I’m fashionably challenged. That’s not to say I can’t look put together but the fact is, when it comes to style, I have none. Unless you count white t-shirts and black yoga pants as style, then I have lots of it – 14 and 7 respectively.
It’s not that I don’t try, it’s that I just can’t figure out the whole putting an outfit together thing. My friends know this and try to help me out. Like when I was at Blissdom and Lisa took one look at my shoes and socks and said Oh my gawd, NO Sharon! and started laughing. So I try to get a handle on what my more fashion savvy friends are wearing and go shopping, stressing about how to put together an outfit. Then when I do manage to put some pieces together that make me look presentable, I wear them over and over again. To the point that I wear them out and have to find something else to wear. Then the whole process starts all over again.
So I figured I’d go to H&M and try on some new clothes because I can't fit into anything from last year *burp*, plus I was taking the kids there anyway since Son No. 2 won’t wear any t-shirts except the ones from H&M because they’re soft and don’t itch him. It’s been an ongoing issue, one that I won’t even get into because THE SHIRT FIGHT IS DRIVING ME INSANE. I’ve essentially given up.
We get to H&M and I get 70 kajillion new tees for Son No. 2 so he'll stop telling me he has no shirts EVEN THOUGH HIS DRAWERS ARE FULL OF SHIRTS BUT APPARENTLY THEY'RE ALL ITCHY EVEN THOUGH HE'S TOLD ME ON PREVIOUS OCCASSIONS THEY AREN'T ITCHY AT ALL.
I find a cute grey maxi dress, plus a couple of others and head off to the change room. I had to take the boys in with me and while I pulled Son No. 2 back with my foot while he tried to crawl underneath the change room door, I threw on dress after dress over top my clothes while Son No. 1 made comments like "I think that dress is for teenagers mom" and "Are your bra straps supposed to be showing like that?" and my favourite "That one makes you look a bit chubby, like you're pregnant again. You're not pregnant aren't you?"
The maxi dress ended up looking fabulous so I bought it along with a funky necklace, then I ran over to Guess and got a black cami to complete my new ensemble.
I was actually feeling quite styling, almost bordering on cocky, about my newfound fashion sense. Maybe this style stuff isn't so tough after all.
Which is exactly when I should have realized that life is about to kick me straight in the ass.
Because the next day I went for a run and then to pick the boys up from school. I guess all the running movement caused my running pants to ride up as well as a few 'certain' adjustments I wasn't aware of.
It wasn't until I got home, after hanging out and chatting with moms at the schoolyard, I saw myself in the mirror and realized I had a huge case of camel toe.
WHO GETS SWEATPANT CAMEL TOE?
Apparently the same person who gets atomic wedgies.
I may never take off the maxi dress ever again. But for the love of god, please tell me if it's ever tucked into the back of my underwear.
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