There’s a Tumblr account called Asshole Parents and it’s simply photos upon photos submitted by parents of their kid in meltdown mode because the parent wouldn’t let them do something. Google #AssholeParent and you’ll be inundated with these photos. Kids crying, screaming, flailing, freaking out, tear-stained faces, faces contorted in anger…
New parents are excited about milestones - the first smile, first tooth, first birthday, first steps - but the parents who have been there and done it know some milestones are insidious and once that milestone has been achieved you can't undo it. Like the homemade tattoo you got when you were 19.
Learn from us new parents; these are the milestones you want to put off for as long as humanly possible.
Remember how cute you thought it was when you’d play hide and seek with your toddler and you’d find him standing in the centre of a room with his eyes closed because he thought if he couldn’t see you, you couldn’t see him.
Because one day he will learn how to hide for real and you’ll find yourself having to close down an entire store because he’s hidden in the centre of a clothing rack and won’t answer when you call.
I know you think you want your child to walk, especially if you are in the midst of the back breaking stage where you need to monitor every step and spend 10 hours a day holding his hand while bent over in a Quasimodo hunch. But once your cute toddler has mastered walking it quickly turns into running which then turns into running away in public. And don’t let those cute little chubby legs fool you; they not only move fast, directional changes happen in mere milliseconds.
RELATED: Hitting Milestones and Making Memories
This stage is often accompanied by you fantasizing about purchasing that child harness you swore you’d never use.
No, your phone company won’t remove the charges for a three hour phone call to China and yes, 911 will call back if your child dials it and then hangs up.
Kids have bionic ears and even though they are in an entirely different room watching a dancing purple dinosaur on television while stuffing Cheerios into their mouth, they will hear the one word you don’t want them to hear and then spend an entire year calling you a “fucken” every time you are out in public.
Oh, sure. It looks like so much fun. You get to go out and buy a big kid bed and redecorate an entire room in a Construction or Princess theme but you know who doesn’t stay in a bed? Every single toddler in the world who has realized he is no longer caged in.
Welcome to your new game show life “Where Will My Toddler Be When I Wake Up?”
Remember the good old days when you could put your child to bed because you were tired? One of the saddest days of my life was when my boys were taught how to tell time in school. Schools are basically responsible for torturing us through sleep deprivation and it needs to stop. In my opinion, telling time should be removed from the curriculum and left to the parents’ discretion.
P.S. This is also around the time your child will realize all those times you said “In just a minute” you were lying.
This is my desk space.
I know, right? It's a bit of a mess but everything I have on my desk is essential to my daily work. Not only my actual work but the stuff that inspires me to work and be the best person I can be. I need to surround myself with photos of the people I love, inspirational quotes, and gifts my kids have given me. I spend a good six hours a day at my desk so it's important to be inspired and motivated. Only my inspiration and motivation should have taken that left turn in Albuquerque because right now those two things are lost amongst the mess that is my work zone.
These are the items I want to be able to see or have easy access to:
A) A picture my husband surprised me with. It represents my writing and his love for me.
B) My exercise calendar that makes me accountable. It needs to be front and centre so I can see the days I did and didn't work out STARING ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE.
C) Photos of the people I love.
D) This is a framed printout with the five rules to a good relationship. My husband made it for me when we were dating and 18 years later I still want to be able to see it every day to remind me to focus on what's important.
E) My iPod and heart monitor that I just throw on my desk after a workout because I have no place to put them.
F) The horse my son gave me to keep me company while I work.
G) Oh, and see those two envelopes and jumble of papers to the right of the image? One envelope is my tax receipt filing system which is not going to change because I'm 45 years old and it works for me so why would I change it. The other envelope is my workout payment system. Each time I exercise for 30 minutes, I pay myself $2.00 and into the envelope it goes so I need it to be easily accessible.
I was sent some Elmer’s Freestyle Stationery Clips, Repositional Hooks, and Repositional Stick ‘Ems to makeover my work area and turn it from a messy desk to an inspired space.
My desk is a built-in and it's the first thing you see when you walk into my house. Screws, nails or any permanent fixtures are not an option because repairing any holes or damage would be costly. Elmer's Repositional Hooks and Stationery Clips were the perfect answer to my problem.
I used the Elmer's Stationery Clips to hang my favourite photos and was able to make use of the wall space that had been empty up until now.
I then utilized the inside door space to the cupboard where I keep my hard drive and used the Elmer's Repositional Hooks as a place to hang my iPod and heart rate monitor and the Stationery Clips to hang my tax receipt filing system and my exercise payment system. Both within arm's reach when I need them.
Now that I no longer had those envelopes and papers shoved beside my printer, I could move the printer over and fit in the framed relationship rules my husband made.
The whole process took less than an hour and I changed the position of the photos at least eight different times. The Stationary Clips and Repositionable Hooks left no marks and were easy to take on and off.
I'm not sure what the cup/glass situation is in your house but in our house, my boys would grab a new glass every time they had a drink. It drove me absolutely crazy so we established the rule that they get one glass per day. When they weren't using that glass, it stayed on the counter. Only what happened then was that they would never know whose glass was whose which led to fights which led to me losing my mind.
Now everyone gets their own little Elmer's Repositional Stick ‘Em with an initial and I am able to keep my sanity.
Say no to nails and so long to screws. Think outside the box and turn your unused messy areas into inspired spaces with creative ways to use Elmer’s® FreestyleTM repositionable products.
Check out our "Here's Inspiration to Finally Clean Up Your Clutter" page to get more smart ideas that will inspire you to get yourself organized, beautify your own small spaces, and more!
Find them at Home Outfitters, select Loblaws and Real Canadian Superstores and at Walmart and Staples.