Joe Boughner: The Naked Dad


The Best Breakfast Sandwich You'll Ever Eat

Handheld breakfast perfection has been reached. Shut down the internet.

Friends. Colleagues. Readers of YMC.

In this age of internet hyperbole and algorithmically-driven clickbaitery, I know it is trite to the point of cliche to call anything "the best" anything. Every other headline in our feed reader of choice promises "the best" or "the only" or "the greatest" something or other.

So rest assured, dear reader, when I call this THE BEST breakfast sandwich you'll ever eat I know all too well the skepticism you feel. 

"Yawn," you might be yawning. "There goes that Naked Dad again, begging us to click with yet another pathetically-baiting headline. What's the matter, Boughner, 'Why a doctor of optometry made my daughter cry' losing its effectiveness? People stop falling for 'I'm a 34-year-old married man sleeping with a student?'"

You are smart, YMC hivemind. I'll give you that.

But I promise you, friends. What I'm about to tell you will change the way you think about breakfast in a manner so revolutionary that the Quaker Oat Man himself couldn't imagine it. Because, friends, I'm about to introduce you to:

The Eggs-In-A-Basket Grilled Cheese Breakfast Sandwich

To indulge in this hedonistic delight you'll need the following:

Ingredients (per sandwich)

2 Eggs
2 slices of bread
2 slices of processed cheddar cheese
Butter or margarine
Bacon (optional but recommended. Because bacon.)


  Put on a pot of coffee. This isn't really a step but it's important to have coffee with your breakfast. 

  If you're including bacon (and you should be), you'll want to cook that first using the method of your choosing. We're big proponents of oven-cooked bacon in our house. You'll notice here I didn't say how much bacon to cook. Really, for the sandwich, you'll only need two or three strips. But remember, there's no such thing as surplus bacon, it's just bacon you haven't eaten yet. 

  Heat a skillet or frying pan over medium-high heat. Melt some butter or margarine (a teaspoon or two) in the pan.

  Butter your bread slices in the traditional way. Then cut a circle into the middle of each slice of bread (an inch or two in diameter). Dispose of the circles by eating them. Or giving them to your kid to eat. Or composting them, I suppose, though that seems like a waste of two perfectly good bread pucks. Regardless, you won't be using the circles in this recipe.

  Carefully lay your bread slices in the hot, buttered pan. Crack an egg into each hole. Let the egg cook for 1-2 minutes then very carefully flip the bread over to cook the other side. 

NOTE: The more observant of you will notice that, to this point, all you've done is make "eggs in a basket" or "toad in the hole." At this point, you could simply stop, sprinkle a little salt and pepper on the cooked egg and enjoy yourself a tasty and timeless childhood breakfast staple.

But doing so would rob you of the unmatched joy of biting into the Best Breakfast Sandwich You'll Ever Eat. Or worse, depriving your loved ones of same. Can you live with that on your conscious? Are you so impatient that you'd deny your family - your own flesh and blood — the purest most intense breakfast joy they'll ever know? 

I thought not.

  Once your eggs have reached your preferred degree of doneness (as a "hard" egg fan — over hard, poached hard, hard boiled — I tend to go longer than most but if you like the idea of a dripping yolk in your hands, feel free), lay a slice of cheese on each slice of bread. Let them sit in the pan for 20-30 seconds so they start to melt just a bit.

  Remove one slice of bread from the pan and put it on a plate. Add your bacon* and remove the other slice of bread from the pan, carefully flipping it over and placing it on the top of your sandwich.

* As discussed, this really is better with bacon. I've also used pulled pork with great success. I suppose peameal bacon or sausage patties would also be good. This isn't just the Best Breakfast Sandwich You'll Ever Eat, it's also the most versatile! 


  Pause for a moment of quiet contemplation. Enjoy the moment. Savour the perfection. Then leave a comment below thanking me for introducing you to this breakfast nirvana. 

Want more bacon-laden bites of breakfast bounty? Try these awesome breakfast muffins or these grab-n-go cheddar, bacon and chive biscuits

Eggs in a basket photo by Scott D. Feldstein 
Cheese photo by Steve Spring