Good lord, I can’t wait for the jig to be up on this whole tooth fairy thing! Because I gotta tell you that our tooth fairy? Total ASSHOLE.
It’s like she’s got some mental block where my kids are concerned. While other children wake up to find money under their pillows, mine wake up to nothing but dashed hopes. Case in point: my nine-year-old has just gone back to bed at 8:30 in the morning until the tooth fairy comes. She’s sick of this treatment and she’s going to protest. *sigh*
I don’t know why the tooth fairy is such a chump around our home. Santa Claus absolutely rocks it, and the Easter Bunny brings his “A” game every single year, and even our Elf on the Shelf can bring the magic when called upon. But the Tooth Fairy has only remembered to leave money when she was supposed to....once.....at the grandparent’s house.....when I wasn’t there. *double sigh*
Our Tooth Fairy has had to get creative, dropping five dollar bills under the bed with one hand while searching under the pillow with the other. There was the one time the tooth fairy “accidently” put the money under my husband’s pillow, thinking he was the one getting the cash. Conveniently enough, the cap on his tooth had fallen off that weekend.
I’ve blamed her tardiness on a glut of children losing teeth all at the same time, that she was on vacation, and even that she had a broken wing and couldn’t get out. But this morning when my daughter walked in my room and said “The tooth fairy forgot....again," all I could do was smack myself in the forehead and say, “WTF Tooth Fairy? W.T.F?!! Somebody should really fire your sorry ass.”
I'll tell you one thing, she better get super creative tonight and make it up to my kids, or they'll be hell to pay.
Could someone please remind me?
Post Script: While writing this my daughter came in to tell me very excitedly that she had found the money the Tooth Fairy left her after all. Fifty cents of her own money on the bureau. Poor dear. They always protect the ones that treat them the worst.
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