You'll Never Look at Grapefruit the Same Way Again

Grocery stores are no place for erotica

You'll Never Look at Grapefruit the Same Way Again


I call out from my office, “Hey, honey? Would you let me put your penis through a grapefruit while I gave you a blowjob?” 

Without missing a beat, the reply from down the hall, “Um, sure.” 

And that my friends, is testament to how easy men are. They are 100% willing to try anything as long as you mention a blowjob. For the record, I did not try this because ewww... grapefruit is gross.

While visiting Disney World last year I met a high school principal who told me about the latest rage in the bedroom - the Grapefruit Blowjob. Your head just exploded right? Which of these things don’t belong; Disney, High School Principal, BJ’s. I forgot about this strange bit of information I had acquired until a recent water cooler discussion with co-workers brought to my attention that it’s not as fringe as I thought. Apparently grapefruits in the bedroom are a thing. There are how-to videos posted on YouTube and women are writing about their experiences trying it. Go on and look; I know you're going to:

If you were looking for a how-to on the mechanics of this craze, you won’t find it here. Sorry, food fetishes are not my thing. Go ahead and colour me a prude, but why on earth would anyone want to do this? (Please, if you know, I beg you to not tell me. That question was totally rhetorical)

I mean if you're looking for a way to improve the BJ experience for both parties why pick the grossest citrus fruit there is? Why not a big orange? Or for those guys who might find a big orange intimidating, a clementine?

RELATED: Great Sex in the Shower

Also, I can’t help but wondering if this was discovered by accident or experimentation? Bzzzzz,! Wrong! Neither answer is acceptable. Stop, just stop the insanity okay? Leave the poor produce alone for heaven’s sake. What did it ever do to you?

I’ve never got the whole sex food association anyway. It just all seems so messy to me and frankly, I spend enough time house cleaning without having to worry about citrus in the bedroom.

At the end of the day, I've never been a fan of grapefruit, but you should know, if I see you in the grocery store with some in your cart, I totally know what you’re up to.

Grapefruit will never be the same to me again.