Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy

love, children, motherhood, connection, biting kids, eat kids, consumed by love, babies, toddlers, sibling relationships, jen warman

Recently I've been feeling an urge to eat my children, so I figured I should write about my love for them before I actually take a bite out of their soft little arms. 

I don't know what it is about extreme love that makes us want to place our chompers on new baby skin, but we do. We all do. Right? We take little nibbles of their toes and cheeks. We bury our faces in their hair and take long deep inhalations, hoping to capture that smell and memory for all of eternity. 

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Sep
17
2014

The Wonderful World of "Why?"

AND NOW I'M REQUIRED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING

why_parenting_questions_kids_asking why_humour_parenting comedy_jen warman_trucks_conversations with kids

Have you ever repeated a word so many times that it starts to sound strange and no longer feels like a real word? Well, that's how I feel about the word "why." Why, you ask? Because my son says it ten thousand times a day. Why? Because he's two and a half. This is what our conversations look like:

Cole: Why does that truck have a door, Mommy?

Me: So that the driver can get in and out of the truck.

Cole: Why?

Me: Because he can't live in the truck. He needs to get out sometimes.

Cole: Why?

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Sep
12
2014

Jen Warman: Rants In My Pants

EPISODE ONE: SLEEP DEPRIVED RAGE!

parenting, comedy, mom comedy, new mom, sleepless nights, rants in my pants, mom rants, rants, jen warman, comedy, YMC, first episode, rage, middle of the night rage, sleepless nights

Thanks for stopping by to check out the first installment of Rants In My Pants.

With these weekly rants, I'll be spouting off random shit that keeps me awake at night, but instead of writing about it, I'll be doing it in video form (it's good incentive for me to shower. And put on mascara...).

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Sep
09
2014

As an only child, I've always been fascinated with something I know nothing about from firsthand experience—sibling relationships. Any of my elementary school friends can attest to the fact that I was a very inquisitive (to the point of being annoying) only child. "What's it like to have a sister? Do you two share clothes? What is her favourite colour?

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Aug
28
2014
sister wives, polygamy, it takes a village, asking for help, parenting, toddlers, relationships, mothers, mother in law, jen warman

As you may or may not know, my mom lives with us and is the primary caregiver for our kids when we are at work. And guess what? It's awesome. It's a dream come true, for all of us. My mom is my best friend, and she's truly the easiest person in the world to get along with. In fact, my husband said the other day, "I think you annoy me more than your mom ever does." Ha. I wasn't even offended, because it's true. 

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Aug
21
2014
breastfeeding, national breastfeeding awareness month, nursing, tandem nursing, newborns, feeding positions, breastfeeding positions, bonding, new baby, motherhood

I love breastfeeding. I do. I love it. It's been easy (thankfully), it's economical (woo-hoo), and for me it's been a great bonding experience.

What I don't love is how my breasts have turned into shrivelled little ballsacks, but oh well, I'll deal with those later. And by "deal with those," I mean place them on top of expensive water-filled bras. Or fold them into origami shaped swans. Either or. 

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Aug
09
2014

When A Good Sleeper Turns Bad

ONCE UPON A TIME MY SECOND BABY SLEPT WELL AT NIGHT...

bad sleepers, newborns, sleep, sleep through the night, jen warman, sleep struggles, cursed, good sleepers, waking at night, night feedings

If you've been following my blog, you might remember back in May I wrote this: Six Tips On How To Get Your Newborn To Sleep At Night. And my first "tip" was this: GET A BABY WHO SLEEPS! 

Well, guess what? My baby who slept doesn't sleep anymore. 

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Aug
08
2014

5 Tips To Get Over Your Fear Of Public Speaking

SOME PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF CLOWNS, OTHERS ARE AFRAID OF THIS...

public speaking, fears, public, speaking, jen warman, tips, speeches, terrified, success, blissdom

When people find out I've done stand-up comedy, nine times out of ten they say, "Holy shit balls mother fucker I could never do that in my life! That's my worst fear!" (Usually they don't swear, but I'm having 1/2 a glass of wine as I write this and am feeling like a badass.)

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Jul
31
2014

How To Not Be A Jerk When Your Friend Has A Baby

WHAT ALL CHILDLESS FRIENDS NEED TO KNOW WHEN THEIR FRIEND HAS A BABY...

NEW BABY, FRIENDS, BABY, FRIENDS, MOTHERHOOD, HOW TO NOT BE A JERK, JERK, THINGS TO DO WHEN BABY IS BORN, TO DO LIST, NOT TO DO LIST, JEN WARMAN

Recently, one of my best friends had her first baby and she said to me, "I'm sorry I was such a jerk when you had Cole. I had no idea..."

This heartfelt confession nearly brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't expecting her to say that, and I wasn't expecting to feel relieved when she said it. But I was. It felt really nice to have someone so close to me finally understand how I had been feeling for the past two and a half years. It was so nice to finally share stories and experiences with someone I love like a sister.

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Jul
24
2014

Are You A Free Range...Chicken?

HOW LETTING YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH GLASS IS THE NEW COOL THING. SORT OF.

free range parenting, free range, helicopter, lenore skenazy, trendy, beards, jen warman, comedy, parenting humour

A lot of people have been talking about free-range parenting these days, even here on YMC, so I'm going to jump on the bandwagon because I'm a Leo and I hate to miss a good party! (Though, to be honest, I haven't been to a party that's free of diapers and sippy cups in a very long time. That's for another post...)

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Jul
07
2014

Are You A Picky Parent?

I BET YOU ARE, BUT YOU WON'T PUBLICLY ADMIT IT...

picking, baby acne, boogers, cradle cap, picky, picky parent, jen warman, comedy

I'm a picker. I always have been, always will be. Some people think it's disgusting and gasp at the thought of doing it, but most people I know are closet pickers. They don't want to admit it, but they get the same level of satisfaction as I do out of a great pick. 

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Jun
26
2014

Why It's Time To Make Your Grown-Up To-Do List

I've just started mine, here's why you should too

The Dumbest Way To Die Is Without Having This

Most people don't plan on dying at a young age (yep, I'm diving right into this morbid discussion) but the reality is that it happens.

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Jun
24
2014

Do Your Toddlers Freak Out Over Weird Stuff Too?

THE RANDOM SHIT THAT TODDLERS FREAK OUT OVER

toddler, tantrum, meltdown, irrational, toddler irrational, funny kids, two years old, parenting, fits, crying,

Everyone thinks her child is special (and yes, every child is special). Many parents think that their child is "advanced." They think their child is oh-so-freaking-perfect. And then that oh-so-freaking-perfect child becomes a TODDLER. And that's when the said perfect child stops shitting rainbows, and instead...paints the walls with their own shit and says, "Hey look! A rainbow!"

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Jun
11
2014
new baby, toddler, jealousy, infant, newborn, siblings, rivalry, transition from 1 to 2

One of my dearest friends just had her second baby. She messaged me desperately saying, "Mayday, mayday, I need your advice! How was Cole with the new baby? I'm pretty sure my toddler hates me! Message me back, or better yet—write a blog post on the topic!"

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May
29
2014

My Toddler's Truck Addiction

I NEED A 12 STEP PROGRAM FOR DUMP TRUCKS

trucks, front end loader, little boy, toddler, truck addiction, gender neutral toys, Gender, boys, forklift, backhoe

Hello, my name is Jen and I'm the mother of a two-year-old who is addicted to trucks.

He eats, sleeps, and dreams about trucks. Excavators, backhoes, front end loaders. He knows all the names, and all of their parts. Shanks, stabilizers, and blades. 

At bedtime, I draw pictures of various trucks on his back to help him fall asleep. I get in trouble if I accidentally draw wheels instead of tracks. I can never remember which truck has which, but he sure does.

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May
20
2014

6 Ways To Get Your Newborn To Sleep At Night

SLEEP: THE #1 THING CRAVED BY NEW MOMS

newborn, sleep, babies, sleeping through the night, good night's sleep, new mom, zombie mom, sleep habits, white noise, swaddling, co-sleeping

This title caught your attention, didn't it?

You're probably reading this with 3 hours of broken sleep under your belt and eyelids so heavy it feels like they're full of cement. 

You're frantically drinking your eighth cup of coffee while shushing your newborn hoping that I'll get to the point, stop rambling, and offer you the magical sleep advice you're so desperately looking for.

I totally understand. I've been there, and I still sort of am there.

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postpartum, depression, life after baby, new mom, new baby, newborns, postpartum, belly, pregnant, pregnancy

Everyone, it seems, is obsessed with pregnancy. There are ten thousand kazillion websites (that's an accurate number) on the subject matter alone. When you're pregnant, everyone wants to talk about your pregnancy and touch your belly, while offering you unsolicited advice. When celebs are pregnant, we trash talk their wardrobe choices and analyze their bodies under a microscope (which enrages me). 

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Apr
29
2014

Baby + Toddler + Coffee: Is This What Your Life Looks Like?

Have any of these things ever happened to you? Then you might just be the parent of a newborn

newborn, two kids, six weeks old, jen warman, babies, infants, tired mom, zombie mom, toddler, busy, coffee

NOTE: As I write this blog post, I have a sweaty six-week-old baby sleeping on my chest as I sit reclined awkwardly in my computer chair.

The past six weeks since Maeve was born have been hectic and awesome. I rarely get dressed before 2pm, and I don't remember the last time I wore my hair down. Bras are optional these days, and I maintain my hygiene by bathing with my kids. Glamorous, I know.

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Apr
23
2014

Five Weeks Old: The Ugly Baby Phase

THEY CAN'T BE CUTE ALL THE TIME

ugly, baby, phase, newborn, 5 weeks, baby acne, cradle cap, comedy, mr. burns

It's week five, and we have officially entered the ugly phase of infancy. My doting mother denies this, "No no, she's beautiful!" I can't tell if she's a compulsive liar or if she's just looking at my daughter through her "Nana goggles," but I'll be the first to admit it: Maeve is going through the ugly newborn phase. Cole went through it, and so do most babies. 

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Apr
10
2014
Transition, 1 kid, 2 kids, new baby, balancing act, new mom, motherhood, parenting, demands, kids, babies, new baby, jen warman

When I first found out I was pregnant with our second child, my first feeling was one of excitement and pure joy, shortly followed by a genetic emotion in my family—guilt.

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