Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy

Feb
12
2013

Planning a First Birthday Party

A PARTY FOR EVERYONE TO REMEMBER. EXCEPT THE BIRTHDAY KID.

*Cue Jerry Seinfeld*

"So what's the deal with first birthday parties anyway?"

Seriously. Why do parents go SO CRAZY over FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTIES? I honestly don't get it. Yes, the first year is a huge milestone—and so much HAPPENS during that year, yes. But why oh why do we have such elaborate and crazy parties for our babies?

Read the whole post

Feb
07
2013

The End of Mat Leave: Returning to Work

*INSERT SCARY MOVIE MUSIC HERE*

So. The time has come. I am three weeks away from returning to work.

GULP.

I could say things like "Where did this year go?" and "I can't believe my baby boy is almost one!" 

Read the whole post

Jan
22
2013

I Want To Breastfeed Your Child

YEAH. I REALIZE HOW THIS SOUNDS...

Yes, I realize this sounds incredibly strange. It even sounds strange to me. But I'm just going to go balls out here and say it:

I want to breastfeed your child.

There. Done. Judge me all you like. Now let me explain myself a little better...

You know how when some people see new babies, and they feel an incredible urge to put their feet in their mouths? "I just want to eat them up!" Well...that feeling has never really happened to me (Okay, I lie. It happened to me BEFORE I had a baby...but not since having a baby).

Read the whole post

Jan
16
2013

Since we've moved to the 'burbs and now have storage space, the Grandmas got a little excited at Christmas. And by little, I mean a lot. They were probably singing carols, squeaking out excited farts as they raced down the aisles of Toys R Us.

*Side Note* I have a theory that the reason you smell farts so often in shopping malls/grocery stores is because people get excited and their sphincters relax.

"Ohh, these jeans are on SALE!" *Pffffffttttt*

Read the whole post

Jan
09
2013

"Hey! I Have A Penis!"

BATHTIME JUST GOT A LOT MORE INTERESTING AT OUR HOUSE

My son is now ten months old, and only recently did I stop getting into the bath with him. This seems ridiculous, I know—but it was the easiest way (I found) to bathe him without fear of losing grip of his slippery body or without crushing my ribcage against the hard porcelain tub. Therefore: bathtime for Cole also meant bathtime for Mommy.

Read the whole post

Jan
02
2013

I Need To Stop Swearing

SH*T THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD!

Happy New Year, everyone!

I've recently crawled out from beneath a pile of boxes, since we decided it would be a good idea to move five days before Christmaswhich was just about as good of an idea as the time I decided to try to give myself a Brazilian. Sigh. Anyway, we are all settled now (no we aren't), and I've taken some time (five seconds) to think about goals for the new year.

Read the whole post

Dec
21
2012

Travelling With a Baby Over the Holidays

I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE HOLIDAY TRAVELLING GYPSY ELVES...

One thing I've learned in the past nine months is that babies come with a lot of gear (hence us buying a mini-van when we only have one baby...and a dog).

Read the whole post

Dec
01
2012

Surviving My Baby's First Cold

SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, AND MORE SNOT

My laptop is currently propped up on my counter so I can stand while I type. I'm swaying back and forth to keep my baby asleep in his carrier, because he won't nap anywhere else. He has his first cold :(

I must say, we've been lucky to make it almost nine months without as much as a sniffle. I guess I was just hoping he could hold off getting sick until he was at least...five. Or fifteen. Or fifty. He's pretty advanced (of course) so I was hoping he had also developed an immune system of steel and would simply avoid getting sick. Ever. 

Read the whole post

Nov
23
2012

5 Easy Tips To Get Mom Arms

"THE BEACH IS THAT WAY!"

So what is my favourite part about being a mom? (Aside from the irreplacable love, life-changing bond, and all that other mushy stuff?)

It's definitely the Mom Arms. 

Yep. I may have sacrificed my vagina, and my breasts...and my stomach, and my butt...

However, I love *kiss bicep* my new Mom Arms *kiss other bicep* 

So if you are reading this, and are saying to yourself, "I too would love to get me some Mom Arms." Here is how. In five easy steps.

STEP #1: Have a Baby.

Read the whole post

Nov
20
2012

The Balancing Act

HOW TO COPE WITH STRESS...OR NOT.

Right now my life is a giant game of Jenga.

The tower is very high, and I keep removing blocks from the foundation. Just when I think I can't possibly pile on any more blocks, I find a way to wiggle another one loose. I hold my breath—and place it on top. Amazingly, the tower hasn't come crashing down yet—but I know it's only a matter of time.

My chest feels tight with anxious anticipation. How did I get myself into this situation? 

Read the whole post

Nov
11
2012

City vs Suburbs

"I AM A CITY MOUSE. I AM ALSO A COUNTRY MOUSE..."

I am a city mouse. I am also a country mouse. (Please tell me you've at least heard of these books?) And for the past year or so, my husband and I have been talking about possibly moving out of the city. But every time we dangle our toes into the water of suburbia, I shiver and we hop right back into our city life.

The cafes! The restaurants! The culture! The parks! The arts scene!

Sigh. How can we leave? 

Read the whole post

Nov
09
2012

The Importance of Mom Communities

Thank you Internet. Thank You Mommy Websites.

Dear Internet & Mommy-related-websites,

Read the whole post

Oct
25
2012

We Bought A Mini-Van

PARENTHOOD. REPRESENT.

Oct
22
2012

We have officially entered the "stinky poop" phase. Gone are the days of relatively odourless diapers (thank goodness for my Diaper Genie) because we are onto solid foods at the Warman residence. And if you're a parent, you know that solid foods = a stinkin' mess. In every sense of the word.

Read the whole post

Oct
15
2012

It's Hard Being The Mom

Sometimes I Wish I Could Detach Myself From My Boob

I love being a Mom. I am very fortunate to have a happy and healthy baby who I formed a strong connection with instantly. I have a very strong support system, I receive a lot of help, and am surrounded by love. Yet, I am still finding myself exhausted and overwhelmed at times.

The bottom line is: It's hard being The Mom.

Read the whole post

Oct
05
2012

Let The Baby-Proofing Begin

Lumps, Thumps, and Bumps

My baby boy is now seven months old, and he is actively exploring the world around him. With his mouth. With his hands. With his toes. He licks, chomps, smacks, pulls, and grabs just about everything in sight. 

My once cozy living room has now been transformed into a play-pen where I try to keep my wild little animal corralled. I have a new full time job that requires me to be both psychic and physically nimble: I need to predict what dangers might lie ahead and be quick enough to react to them. 

CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF:

Read the whole post

Sep
28
2012

It's 3:00AM. We are supposed to be packing up the car in another hour for our trip to Chicago, but guess what? I'm awake already. In fact, I've been awake all night. Every. Thirty. Minutes.

Why, do you ask? 

Is it because you love seeing every hour on the clock present itself twice? Is it because you are giddy with excitement about your trip?

No. Nope. Nada. None of the above.

Read the whole post

Sep
17
2012

I *Heart* Baby Feeding—Breast AND Bottle

PLEASE SIR, CAN I HAVE SOME MORE?

It's hard to believe, but my baby boy is SIX MONTHS OLD! Phrases like "He's growing so fast" and "Where has the time gone?" come to mind. I wish I could think of something less cliche to say, but it's true. 

Read the whole post

Sep
13
2012

Travelling With A Baby

Planes, Trains, And Automobiles . . . With A Baby

Last month, I decided it would be fun to take the train, with Cole, to visit some friends in Ottawa for a few daysjust me and my baby on the train.

Read the whole post

Sep
10
2012

Holy crap, where has the time gone? My baby boy is six months old. He's practically in University!

Read the whole post