This will be my third year attending BlissDom, but it will be my first time staying overnight and fully immersing myself in the experience (read: getting drunk and partying with my friends and colleagues). Why, you ask? Two reasons: 1) This is the first year that I'm not pregnant or don't have a young nursling at home, and 2) This is the first year that BlissDom is at a location far away enough that I can't drive home after the day's events, even if I wanted to.
Usually when you get a Brazillian wax, you expect to leave the appointment with tender lady bits and perhaps a bit of sticky wax in your asshole. What you don't normally expect is to leave with exceptional words of parenting wisdom that will forever improve your relationship with your child.
I'm about to share something very personal and embarrassing with you guys: the contents of my purse.
Whenever I get a new bag, I start out with the best of intentions, and a declaration to the universe. A purse pledge, that sounds something like this:
"Dearly beloved new bag that smells divine and sweet. I will NOT turn you into a junk pile/trash can/collector of random shit. I will carry you proudly, and stroke you gently with love and affection..." (I'm making my husband jealous). And then two months later, what happens?
Generally, I'm a pretty happy person. I have a positive outlook. I smile a lot. In fact, I don't even know how to not smile in photos. I'd be a terrible model. I could never pull off the moody/indifferent look. See? I look like I'm having a stroke when I try to do the pouty thing.
Maybe it's because Maeve isn't such a baby anymore, and she might be our last (she'll most likely be our last). Or maybe it's because it's summer - and all I want to do is play, play, play (and not work, work, work). But I've totally been Peter Panning it lately, and it's awesome.
Most families I know have two working parents. Often one, or both of the parents, spend time commuting. With kid(s) in daycare/school, and extra curricular activities, it's hard to imagine where parents "nowadays" (I sound like I'm 80) find time to fart, let alone fold the laundry.
Well, since I've returned to work after baby number two, here are five things we've done in an effort to stay sane:
Maybe it's the German in me, but I've always had a fascination with poo.
(Is that a discriminatory thing to say? But I can sort of get away with it, because I'm German? What if I make that statement while wearing lederhosen and eating schnitzel? Did I just make this situation worse? Possibly...)
It just does. Whether it's the jeans that used to fit that remain folded in the back of your closet, or the tears that now roll down your cheeks while watching Cottonelle commercials: you're different after you become a mother.
For some, the change is drastic. Others barely notice the shift - but it's there.
Last week, I put the winter coats away and sighed with relief. Sure, I was happy the nice weather was finally here to stay - but I was even more ecstatic that I could finally get into the van with ease. NO MORE SNOWSUITS.
But then I remembered, with nice weather comes...
THE SUNSCREEN BATTLES.
*cue horror movie-music and echoed screams*
Just when I thought that I could maybe get out the door with both kids in under 15 minutes, my happy bubble was burst.
As my daughter approaches her first birthday, naturally I've started thinking...about having another baby.
I'm nuts, right? We have a three year-old boy, and a one year-old girl. The million dollar family, or so I'm told. My husband is more than happy to be "done." I've never seen someone so eager to have a sharp blade near their genitals.
He's waiting for me to give him the thumbs up. The go ahead. The green light. He's already planned himself a vasectomy party. (Which basically involves him watching sports and drinking beer.)
As my daughter's first birthday approaches, I find myself re-living the day she came into this world. I look back at the photos of her birth and my eyes instantly fill with happy tears. It was truly one of the most amazing days of my life.