So it's the first week of January and I finally have some time to sit down and think about what I want for this new year. Pre-kids, I would have been more organized and would have gotten around to setting goals or at least thinking about resolutions while it was still December. But not anymore! The last few weeks of December were spent trying to keep my kids entertained and busy during the holidays after our plans to go to Ottawa were called off due to the crazy ice storm. Amidst play dates, and movies, and trips to the Science Centre, and the Aquarium, and Disney on Ice, there was very little time for introspection.
Then all of a sudden it was January 1.
The new year was upon me and I was freaking out. I had no idea what my resolutions were, what I wanted to accomplish, or what 2014 would even look like. My inner control freak got the best of me and I started to panic. There were just too many unknowns and I felt totally disorganized.
But after a weekend filled with me-time and two nights out without my kids, I'm seeing things more clearly now.
I finally have some childcare in place for my little Fiona. And it looks like it's going to work out well, at least for now. I have an exciting idea for a new business and a set of brainstorming sessions booked into my calendar. I have both girls signed up for classes that will allow me to have fun with them. And, I have a super supportive husband who is willing to stand by me as I figure out how my untraditional work-life-kids 'balance' will balance out this year.
2014 isn't looking so daunting after all.
And, with that, I've decided to set 3 INTENTIONS for 2014. These are all things that will inevitably lead to more happiness and joy for me and my kids. And, why not? As the character Amy (Amy Adams) in the movie Her so aptly put it: "We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy."
So, here they are:
1. I'm making peace with my disorganized self. Yes, I'd love to be the kind of mom who always has healthy snacks cut up and on hand when I'm out with my kids and they get hungry. I'd love to have a morning routine that is fluid, stress-free, and consistent. I'd love to have designated days/hours that I focus on work, and nothing else. I'd love to have a neatly packed diaper bag ready every morning when I set out for the day. I'd love to not be running to Target in a panic when I've just used the last diaper, searching frantically for my kid's lost hat, feeding my baby water from the lid of my water bottle because I forgot her sippy cup again... (you get the picture)
But it's time to accept the fact that I'm just not that mom.
So instead of beating myself up when life gets chaotic, this year I'm vowing to love my disorganized self, just the way I am.
Being disorganized means I have a more exciting, spontaneous, and go-with-the-flow kind of life. I make last minute plans. I break plans when I just don't feel up to them. I multi-task like it's nobody's business. And, I stumble upon things all the time: exciting opportunities, new friends, creative ideas. Being disorganized keeps life interesting and it keeps me on my toes. It also keeps life interesting for my kids, and makes them more flexible and adaptable. They nap on the go. They eat whatever is available when we stop to pick up a snack. They learn to adjust their expectations when plans change last minute. And they embrace the adventure! So while being disorganized may seem like it's a bad thing, I know it doesn't have to be.
If I want more joy in my life, then I'm just going to have to wear the "disorganized mom" badge proudly. Because in some ways I'm very organized (my kid was signed up for summer camp in November) and in other ways I'll never be! So this year I'm making disorganized the new organized.
2. I'm vowing to stop yelling. I yell when I'm stressed. I yell when I'm not feeling good enough about myself. I yell when I'm drained and haven't been taking care of myself. I yell because I feel resentful. I yell because my fuse is too short. Frankly, I yell way too much. And, I feel terrible about it.
So, this is the year to end yelling. My kids will be 1 and 4 this year. I know I've just begun to experience the chaos. Things are going to get more insane before they get calmer...and I need a better approach to handling them. No one likes a mom who yells. No one likes a wife who yells. I read this blog post, The Important Thing About Yelling, and it totally inspired me. I'm guilty of freaking out at my toddler, of lambasting my husband, and of being a Bitch for no apparent reason (I like to blame hormones!). But, I really don't like myself when I behave that way. So, in order to stop the yelling I know what I have to do. I need to dedicate more time to taking care of myself, to taking breaks when I need them, to spending time on my own without my kids and not feeling guilty about it, to asking for help, to loving my own flaws, to accepting that thing won't be perfect, and to knowing that my toddler is going to be emotional and moody and crazy at times, and I don't have to respond in the same way. I need more OM in my life.
This intention is going to take work, but it's something I'm committed to. I want to be the kind of mom who can breathe through a crisis without freaking out, and who can let go of anger and frustration, rather than letting it boil up inside. I'm going to stop yelling! And, I think it will make life a whole lot more enjoyable.
3. I'm embracing abundance and prosperity...because I'm worth it! It's taken me a really long time to become comfortable with charging a rate for my work that I feel good about. In journalism school we were taught not to expect much when it came to making money. Journalists and writers are underpaid and that's just the way it is. I've never believed that I could actually make a lot of money doing what I love to do. Well, enough of that! I want to shop without feeling guilty. I want to sign my kids up for classes and camps without worrying that they're too expensive. I want to treat my friends to lunch. I want to treat myself to a day at the spa. I want to make generous donations and help those in need. I want to earn enough money to live the life I want. And why not? It's time to start valuing myself and the work I do. It's time to really believe that prosperity is possible. I've always been afraid to dream big when it came to money. But, that fear has been holding me back. This year will be a big year. I will have all the money I need. I will do work that I love to earn that money. It won't be hard, or stressful. It will be pleasant, and enjoyable, and rewarding. I'm going for it...all the way.
With these lofty intentions set, it looks like I'm going to have a big year ahead of me. How about you? What will your 2014 look like?