My husband has often joked about how we had great sex until we got married and, to a certain extent, its a statement of truth. We did have six kids in nine years so he wasn't that deprived.
After four years of living in our own little world, we were married and immediately our first child was conceived. Pregnancy changed everything, I didn't have the same sexual appetite, yet babies kept coming despite the use of birth control that wasn't hormones.
Maintaining the relationship we had before children was impossible and a serious source of frustration. During working out some relationship difficulty, we realized that life was different with little people who depended on us to survive and thrive and either we as parents adapt or fall apart. It didn't necessarily make life easier but it did give us perspective of the alternative. If we split up, life could be just as difficult, if not more so, for everyone involved. Our choice was always "With a little patience we can work through this". And patience sometimes needed to last years while a clingy child gained confidence that he was okay in the world. So soon they grow up and off doing their own thing, sometimes it felt like that would never happen, but it did.
After our sixth child was born, we were living in the same house but rarely seeing each other and more rarely, connecting. Ed was busy supporting the eight of us while I looked after everyone's needs‚ -did we even know each other anymore? When we did have some time together, I was so exhausted I just wanted to be left alone - not exactly the makings of a good relationship.
As the two of us were hitting the 40-year mid-life marker, we both found ourselves restless, something had to change. Ed was living his life, the kids and I living ours, and somehow, growing apart. Before kids joined our lives, we travelled the world extensively and we missed doing that.
When an unexpected buyer turned up for Ed's business, we took it as an opportunity to pull our family and relationship back together and live out a few of our dreams. We packed the eight of us into our van and drove from Canada to the bottom of South America and back. Again our motto was "With a little patience we can work through this." It wasn't always easy, but the journey did teach us to get along and that we had family to depend on. Was it worth it? You bet it was.
Ed and I have been together 30 years, married 26 of them, our youngest is now 16 and since we have grown past the years of needy children, we have our fabulous couple's relationship back - only better. It is said that there is danger of staying in your comfort zone, but this established relationship my partner and I have is not only comfortable, it feels powerful.
Kids did drastically change my life - our life. There wasn't any going back after conception but after having cultivated the relationships we value, we continuously reap the rewards on our journey of life. Every day is a yummy celebration.
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