Hey Mom! Do you want to support your husband to be the father he really longs to be?
Here are three easy steps:
Leave him alone
Studies show that men who are left to parent on their own are likelier to be more involved in the day to day raising of the kids than those who are constantly overseen and corrected. If you have a hard time surrendering control, you need to make friends with the “Will it kill my child?” test.
"Will it kill my child if my husband dresses him in plaid overalls and a striped shirt?” “Will it kill my child if dad forgets to pack the baby wipes?” If the answer is yes, then call 9-1-1. If it’s no, then just let dad do it his way. I can tell you from experience that coming home with a poop-covered infant is a far better learning tool than a thousand nags of, “Honey, don’t forget to pack the wipes and an extra outfit!” Dads will parent differently. Embrace it. A father will thrive if you expect him to be a father and not a mom in dad’s clothing.
Let him know he’s still number one
We’ve all heard the story – a dad becomes resentful or jealous of the relationship mom is creating with the baby. “What an immature jerk” is the usual first thought when we hear this. While I’m sure this is true in many cases, it’s an oversimplification. Some mothers, beyond being a loving, responsible parent, will always put the needs of her child ahead of the needs of her husband. This is a recipe for disaster. Failing to find time for the man you fell in love with, married, depend upon as your primary support and who brings home half of the bacon could put your marriage at risk. Of course there are many times when the needs of your child will come first. But never forget that the greatest thing both parents can do for their children is to nurture their own relationship.
Rail against the stereotypes
I want you to imagine an auto insurance commercial where a Chinese woman is driving. Everywhere she goes, she’s constantly ramming her car into telephone poles and storefronts, all the while sporting a sheepish grin. Then imagine the spokesperson saying, “At ABC, we have insurance plans for everyone---even female Asian drivers.”
If we saw that ad we would be livid. We know it is wrong to imply or single out someone as being incompetent or second class simply due to their race or gender. Unless you are a dad.
Fatherhood is still a punch line. The well-meaning-yet-spectacularly-inept dad who fails at parenting simply due to the fact that he has a penis is ubiquitous in the world of pop culture. And it is every bit as offensive as any other form of “ism.” Until we raise expectations rather than belittle men for their parenting skills, young men will continue to grow up thinking they will simply be inferior helpers, and young women will grow up expecting to carry the bulk of the burden for their bumbling husbands.
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