Dear newly pregnant mom-to-be,
We may not know each other, but I wanted to reach out to you as a formerly pregnant person myself.
Everyone - from your mother to your grandmother to the stranger shopkeeper down the street - is going to give you advice from when they were pregnant. They’re going to assume everything they know or have learned will transfer easily to you. What they are forgetting is that no two pregnancies are the same. Because of this, I’m not here to give you advice, or tell you anything I’ve learned from being pregnant, because I’m sure things will be different for you and your pregnancy.
And that’s OK.
The advice I will give you is this: treat people kindly when they offer you advice or talk about their pregnancy experience. For the most part, people mean well. They’re excited for you to be going down this road, too. They feel like sharing their experiences makes them a small part of yours. Be gracious with them.
Take some of their advice, or opinions you find useful, and discard the rest.
As for those horror birth stories? If you don’t want to hear those, politely inform the teller that. Alternatively, smile and nod, and then remind yourself that birth is much like pregnancy: Every woman is different. Just because your sister’s best friend had a bad experience at a hospital doesn’t mean you will, too.
As for judgement from other mothers? That comes with the territory of bringing a life into the world in 2015. I’d like to say it gets better, but with being ever connected by technology and living our lives online, I don’t think it does. So navigate these waters with caution. Share what you want online, but don’t feel you have to share it all.
Remember the decisions you make are your decisions. If you don’t want to breastfeed, that’s OK. Prefer to co-sleep with your child? That’s OK, too. You are the mom-to-be. You’ve earned the right to make the decisions that you feel are best for you and your baby. Be open to listening to another side, but don’t let anyone make you feel the decisions you have made for your baby are wrong.
Finally, there is no right way to be pregnant. Some people love it, some people don’t. Some people are really excited about what’s coming, some people aren’t. If you find your enthusiasm level isn’t the same as others in your prenatal class, that’s OK. It’s your pregnancy and your life.
The only other piece of “advice” I’d give you is this: Treat other pregnant women they way you would like to be treated. When you learn of a new pregnancy of a friend, relative, or co-worker, treat her the way you want others to treat you while you’re pregnant. You may learn that it can be hard not to butt in with your two cents, but you will also remember how it felt when you were that pregnant woman. That will help you keep your unsolicited advice to yourself.
Good luck, future mama.
Sarah
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