Recently I gave birth to my second daughter, Sara. My first daughter, Niya, is 6 years old and like many mothers, I was concerned how she would react to having someone else be the centre of attention.
At first she was excited to have a baby sister in the house. But soon the novelty wore off, especially when people came by to visit and wanted to see the baby. As for being the good mummy, because I was the one that gave Niya baths at night and put her to bed with a story, I felt bad that I couldn’t do those things with her anymore. My attention was now on my second daughter who needed me more.
Those special moments with Niya were taken on by my husband who jumped right in and tried to fill my shoes. But Niya wanted me to do it and at that moment I felt like I had let her down. Like I was neglecting my eldest because I had to tend to my youngest. Niya began crying at bedtimes and saying I didn’t love her anymore because I didn’t spend any time with her. THUD. My heart hit the floor. What could I possibly do or say to make her feel better? I wasn’t purposely ignoring her; I just had another person to look after. Could I stretch myself to look after both of them? How could I make it up to her and be the good mummy again?
Now that Sara is three months old it is getting easier to handle both. I make sure I spend enough time with Niya so she doesn’t feel neglected and include her in taking care of her baby sister so she feels involved. I may not be the one giving her baths or reading her bedtime stories but I make sure she knows I’m there for her.
Then the other night Niya gave me a hug just before she went to bed and whispered in my ear, “You’re the best Mom ever”. It brought tears to eyes and I thought to myself, I must be doing something right.
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