Responsibility and mind-blowing sex are like oil and water...they just don't mix.
It's easy to understand with everything going on in our day-to-day lives why sex goes to the bottom of the to-do list.
Thing is, sex is an important component to a healthy relationship. So how can a hard-working couple bring fun sex back into their relationship?
It's my experience that busy people don't have time to read the long answer, so here is the quick and easy on what you two can start doing today.
Don’t wait: act now
Sexual impasses don’t get better with time. The longer you wait to initiate something fun, new and exciting the longer old habits linger and get in the way of creating something fun, new and exciting.
Talk to each other about you 'can' do
Complaining about how your sex life sucks is the biggest libido zapper. If you don’t talk about what’s going on in your sex life in a positive way, the situation will never change.
Understand the problem
Acknowledge (and appreciate) your partner’s dissatisfactions in order to understand why they’ve stopped reaching out sexually.
Separate the nonsexual issues from the sexual ones
What are the facts—not emotions—around any sexual challenges? What are the reasons for the anger, resentment or withholding? Until these issues are dealt with and resolved, it's almost impossible to connect in a deep sexual way. If you're at an impasse, seek out a counselor's help.
Teach each other new sexual techniques
Learn how to give each other pleasure in new and exciting ways. Communicate what you want. Best way to start is to separately write a list of things you want to try and then let the other read it. Bonus points to those couples who take turns 'surprising' each other with what's on their partner's list.
Other Dr. Trina blogs
Five Ways to Overcome Low Sexual Desire
Do Aphrodisiacs Really Work?
Touching Means a Happier You
Ask anyone to name a sex book and The Kama Sutra will inevitably be in their top five. The irony of the original Kama Sutra is if you've read it cover to cover, which I have, it's an incredibly dull and tedious book.
One of the most famous books about the art of sex and love was written by a celibate scholar and only devotes about 20 percent of its writings to the legendary sex positions.
In fact, the book is in large part about teaching women about the 64 arts of love which include: painting and decorating, science of aqueducts, gambling, sports, pastry making and chemistry.
According to The Kama Sutra a woman needed to earn the title of ‘Ganika,’ an expert in these arts. A woman achieving Ganika status would be favored above all the wives by her husband.
And FYI—all the writing around the sexual experience was meant for the man to get maximum pleasure. I appreciate when it was written that was the way things were, but things have changed. The new Kama Sutra needs several chapters devoted to R-E-S-P-E-C-T and mutual sexual satisfaction.
“So when are you two going on your next date night?” My mother innocently asked.
My two toddlers were screaming in the background and I could hardly hear what she was saying so I responded with a distracted, “You’re right Mom. It’s been months since we’ve had a night out. STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER RIGHT NOW! Soon Mom, really soon.”
“Don’t you remember for Christmas I gave you a LaSenza gift card and I gave your husband a KEG gift card? It was so you two could go and have a 'nice' evening together.”
Eww. Did my mom just suggest I dress up in lingerie before going to a steak house? This is the first time my mom has referred to sex in my 43 years on this earth.
The background screaming went into high gear and it gave me a good excuse to get off the phone. I wasn’t so much uncomfortable with my mom’s somewhat creepy ‘sex pep talk,’ I was uncomfortable because she was right.
For at least six months my husband and I have been caught up in the daily grind of work/kids/eat/sleep, running at top speed, just trying to make it through the day. We’ve done nothing fun or different and before our very eyes our relationship has become staler than moldy old bread.
Like magic, OhhhCanada.ca appears and asks, “Would you like to try some products?” Yeah baby! Thank goodness for small mercies.
I have L-O-V-E-D the We-vibe since it came out a few years ago. There’s no doubt in my mind why this Canadian company has won so many awards and is the number one best selling couple’s vibe in the world. That said, I wondered how they could improve upon perfection with the We-Vibe III. In short, they have and it is worth every penny.
The We-vibe is worn by the female during intercourse. One end is inserted into the vagina while the other end cradles the labia and clitoris. That means once intercourse starts, you have the We-vibe and your partner’s penis inside of you at the same time (don’t worry—everything fits).
She gets full-on vibrating stimulation through her vaginal canal, labia and clitoris. And, if that wasn’t enough, she becomes a human vibrator for him and he gets a ton of satisfaction during intercourse. It’s truly a win/ win, sharing-the-pleasure couple’s toy.
So ladies, say goodbye to PIVMO (Penis-in-vagina male orgasm) sex and say hello to her having as much fun (perhaps more) than him. Yee-freakin’-haw.
Locking Toy Chest
I have a confession. Actually two confessions.
Because of my job, I have all sorts of paraphernalia just lying around my office. Once in a while my kids will look through a book filled with nudie pictures or run around the house with a demo-dildo. This may not be how you roll with your kids, but I don’t see the harm and my kids are in no way psychologically scared by the experience.
However, I feel quite differently when it comes to my personal toy stash. My kids are at an age where they are going into my closet and asking what’s in the Tupperware (yes, I told you there were two confessions).
I don’t want my kids touching my stuff.
I don’t hide from my kids that I’m having sex, yet they are in another room and my bedroom door is locked.
And now I can put my personal stash in the Lockable Toy Chest which will keep things out of their reach. (That is until my four-year-old figures out how to jimmy the lock but that will be at least a few more years.)
Tickle Me Intimacy LoveKit
When I have thirty seconds to daydream, I think about an entire day dedicated to a couple’s spa day. My husband and I come out refreshed, relaxed, buffed and pampered.
As it stands all we can do is a ‘spa quickie.’ Which is fine; 15 minutes of semi-spa is better than zero minutes and no reconnection time.
This LoveKit is the perfect ‘spa quickie’. It fits inside your purse if you’re traveling or actually get an overnight break. There’s a massage oil, lubricant, honey dust (yum) and feather tickler. And the packaging is simply beautiful.
Now on my 'mom-encouraged sex date' I will have something to go along with my LaSenza underwear and steak, and hopefully I can feel pre-kids sexy.
So perhaps if your relationship is a little stale, it’s time to freshen things up. OhhhCanda.ca is a lovely, mom-friendly website where you and your partner can shop and find some good ideas.
Best of all, the anticipation of waiting for your order to arrive is half the fun...and then there’s actually trying something new, different and fun.
It’s a much needed and well deserved TLC for your relationship.
This blog was sponsored by OhhhCanada.ca.
Other Blogs by Dr. Trina
Do Aphrodisiacs Really Work?
Touching Means a Happier You
Foreplay for Men