Maybe it's the German in me, but I've always had a fascination with poo.
(Is that a discriminatory thing to say? But I can sort of get away with it, because I'm German? What if I make that statement while wearing lederhosen and eating schnitzel? Did I just make this situation worse? Possibly...)
Anyway, it's true. I don't know why, but I've always openly talked about poo - and usually at the dinner table, much to the chagrin of my Dad who immediately freezes mid-bite and has to hold back the urge to gag. I don't know why I'm so naturally inclined to talk about poo at the dinner hour? Perhaps all of the food going in makes me subconsciously think about all of the food coming out? Hmm.
Over the years, I've talked about poo/poo habits/poo rituals with many men and women. In fact, I almost wrote a book once called "Fecal Matters: The Social Aspect of Pooping." (Trademarked. This is totally a legit way to trademark.) But I didn't want my first claim to fame to be "Poop Girl" so I let it slide. #punintended
And just to be clear, I'm not interested in looking at poop - or talking about it's physical properties. That's just gross. What I'm fascinated with, is how people feel about pooping. Are they comfortable telling others, "I need to drop a deuce!" Or are they incognito poopers who go to great efforts to hide the fact that they're pinching a loaf?
I have one friend, who will remain nameless, but she claims she doesn't poop. Or fart.
Obviously, she's full of shit (ha!) but it's now become a fun game (for me and my friends) to try and catch her in the act. My poor, poor friend. Weekends away are likely very stressful for her. Especially when I make batches of chili and fibre-filled smoothies...
It's such a natural part of everyday life, that I really can't imagine people being so uptight about it - especially in a relationship.
So this conversation came up again the other night (naturally) while I was having drinks with some friends: and there was a divide in the group: those that openly took a crap in front of their significant other's and those that hid it at ALL COSTS. I was shocked. I thought for sure once you had babies and had been together for over two years that everyone shat in front of their spouse!
But a friend of mine (who is all class, all the time) made an excellent point. This friend said that pooping in front of one another ruins the mystery and the romance. If you wouldn't do that on a first date, why would you do it ten years later?
Yes, true. I suppose that a grimaced red face isn't the most attractive image, but...when you've seen a placenta surely this isn't a shocker, right?
I don't know. I'm torn. I see both sides, and to be honest - I prefer to poop in solitude. But if my husband needs to grab his toothbrush - I'm not going to have a stroke at the thought of him opening the door, y'know? Sometimes, you need to talk about the weekend to-do list and the only way you can converse in silence and escape the screaming of the kids is to lock yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of vodka. I mean, err...
So tell me, what is your poop policy? I'm still doing research for my book. #bucketlist