When I bought a small 600-square-foot condo as my YMC Mom Cave in the heart of downtown Toronto, I had no idea how complicated the process of furnishing a space would be. My plan? To have my condo fully furnished and in live-in condition three weeks after closing. My reality? It's now two months since I got the keys and the space is still virtually empty.
The best thing I did was ask interior designer Meghan Carter to help me pull everything together. Without her guidance, I would be sitting in the corner of my condo weeping right now. The second best thing? Discovering the Toronto furniture store Decorium, where I found most of my key pieces for the condo.
If you're planning to furnish a new space in the foreseeable future, here is some of what I've learned about shopping for furniture so far.
As soon as I received the keys to my condo, I started shopping, both online and in-store, to see what's hot in interior design. With Meghan's guidance, I was prepared to whip out my credit card and do a mass shop, pay for delivery and be done. The truth is, if you want something nice, it takes time to pull it together.
Researching online before heading out gave me a sense of design trends, but seeing pieces in person are a whole different thing. For example, I needed to buy chic arm chairs for the living room. Online, I found several options I thought would work. But when I went into the stores to sit on them, they were often not comfortable, the wrong size, or sold out. It was suggested that I check out Decorium, Toronto's one- stop for modern furniture and accessories, where they offer free in-home and in-store design consultations. I connected with Tara, Decorium's head buyer, who is encyclopedic about the store's vast inventory. She spent a couple of hours with me wandering their showroom going through all their eclectic styles. And then I spotted it. The perfect, comfortable, chic chair that was the just the right size.
But the fabric was totally wrong for my muted colour scheme, so I pulled in Meghan to help us pick the right fabric before I could order the chairs. Here's what I didn't know: furniture takes a long time to be built. From the time I ordered the chairs to delivery will be around six weeks (thank you to Tara for the rush order!!). From beginning to end, I'm expecting that having a completely finished space will take a full three months. But it will be worth the wait.
Once I chose my chairs, I had to pick the fabric. Based on the colour of my walls (paper white), we agreed that some version of grey would be the right choice so we could have pops of colour in our throw pillows. I had no idea how many shades of grey there are. Fifty shades of grey is not an exaggeration! Tara, Meghan and I spent time combing through books of fabric samples to find the grey that would fit my Mom Cave. Grey with blue tinges, grey that looks yellow-ish, light grey, smoky grey. It actually made my head hurt trying to see the difference.
Once we settled on three favorites, Tara suggested we take the sample to the front of the store to see it in a natural light, to ensure it’s the perfect shade. She advised me to always see any piece of fabric or furniture in natural light before you buy it. Picking the right grey was much easier once we had better lighting. For the record, we went with neutral pewter grey for my chairs.
The condo has nice sunlight streaming in the morning hours, but much of the time it's pretty dark. So lighting was a big concern for me. I am putting in track lighting in the living room/kitchen open space which should brighten up the area, but otherwise the fixture itself should be unnoticeable. While I was at Decorium, we found a couple of gorgeous lamps that serve the dual purpose of design while actually providing a lot of light. I went with the lamp on the right to sit beside the living room sofa.
On the other side of the sofa, I discovered a super cool lamp which, to me, looks like an old fashioned movie camera. It's a playful design element, but it also throws a lot of light which is important to me.
When my designer Meghan Carter told me that she's going with an off-balance approach with these two lamps in my living room, I balked. I always thought symmetry was key when decorating a space. What I've learned is that this is true...to an extent. Playing with the concept of balance can add an extra level of visual interest. So, rather than having matching lamps on either side of my living room sofa, Meghan convinced me to go rogue and mix it up.
On one side of the sofa, Tara from Decorium sourced a round marble side table for the table lamp. The five foot high black and gold "movie camera" lamp will sit on the other side of the sofa, with that cute little black ottoman sitting between the lamp's legs acting as the side table. Funky, right?
I'm very careful with how I spend my hard-earned dollars. While I initially gravitated to less expensive furniture shops, when it comes to furnishings, you get what you pay for. What I decided to do is spend more on key pieces of furniture at Decorium and then fill in the other pieces at more moderately priced stores like Ikea. Both my arm chairs, side table, coffee table, and living room lamps are from Decorium. My kitchen stool, a couple of coffee tables, and a simple white glassy desk are all from Ikea. I'm matching the Ikea desk with this very chic black and gold accent chair from Decorium. They're going to look awesome together.
The art of furnishing a living space has been a series of push and pulls for me. Cost has been huge concern between what I'm prepared to splurge on and where I can save. Expensive or not, no matter how chic I want my space to be, I won't choose style over comfort. Ultimately, no matter how pretty or stylish my Mom Cave may be, if the chair, bed, or sofa isn't comfortable, neither I nor my guests won't be happy. That's why I took the time to spend hours in Decorium to find just the right pieces, as well as brave the Ikea maze to experience each piece first hand.
I still have a couple of small accessories to buy, but for the most part, I've now ordered everything for my little Toronto condo. Thank you Tara and the staff at Decorium for being so patient and professional while I waffled on making those big purchases. And hats off to my very talented designer Meghan Carter. Your guidance has been invaluable so far. I can't wait to see it all come together next month!
One of the hottest topics amongst parents right now is the idea of "gendered parenting" or gender stereotyping. The question many parents grapple with is how to raise boys and girls to believe, from a young age, that they can be and do whatever they want; today and tomorrow. In order for this to happen, parents are now challenging outdated traditions associated with raising kids: pink is for girls, blue is for boys; dolls are for girls, trucks are for boys; dance is for girls, sport is for boys.
We’re doing a lot of talking about gender, but are we actually raising our children differently? According to a recent YMC survey sent out to Canadian parents about gender boundaries, it is quite clear (and not surprising) that the next generation of men and women are more open-minded about gender roles and sexuality than previous generations.
I have no issues with my children doing anything that 'society' sees as not gender neutral. My son is 3.5, and loves to wear his sister's princess shoes - they are purple :) Whatever they are doing is fine with me, and their dad. We love our children no matter what!
As part of the survey, we asked dads to rate themselves on a masculine/feminine scale. Younger dads tended to self-describe as less masculine than older men and were more involved in domestic duties. The surprising insight for me wasn’t the evolution of fatherhood, but rather the accompanying trickle down effect of dads’ influence on how their sons and daughter are being raised.
My partner frequently reinforces traditional gender stereotypes in both his words and actions. I am far more easygoing, yet many of my preferred activities are more often associated with female stereotypes. I try to encourage open-mindedness in my daughters.
It comes as no surprise that our survey confirms that moms are still the main decision makers when it comes to choosing activities for both sons and daughters. However, when it comes to boys, our numbers are pointing to the reality that dads today have become significantly more involved in the decision-making process than previous generations.
Their dad did buy his son a new run bike in orange despite the fact he already had his sister's hand me down pink bike which he clearly doesn't mind (age 2), and I didn't either. Dad is more strict about his son following a more "normal" gender role whereas he's more easy going with his daughter.
While they are increasingly comfortable aligning themselves with “feminine” values, our survey shows that fathers are more likely than moms to skew traditional in terms of activities and hobbies.
According to our survey, dads are more involved in overseeing their sons’ sports and hobbies than daughters and are more prescriptive in the kinds of gendered activities they allow his little guys to participate in. Hockey, yes. Putting on nail polish, no.
My husband might unintentionally discourage in subtle ways, whereas I would openly discuss and state my unconditional support for whatever feels natural and best to my kids re traditionally gendered toys, clothes, activities, etc.
My husband prefers our boys to act like boys, but I think it's cute when the boys will play girl games with their sister. I don't believe their choices now will determine their gender identification.
My spouse will direct my son to more masculine choices when he's opting for something feminine. It results in my son being disappointed and me being upset.
On the other hand, there seems to be unanimous agreement from both parents that girls can be and do anything – including sports once typically associated with boys. In many ways, it’s become a girl’s world. Things are evolving more slowly for our boys.
My daughter really wanted to join Karate and another kid (boy) told her she couldn't because she was a girl. I signed her up the following week. I told her that day it doesn't matter what she wants to do, she can be a mechanic if she wants. Gender should never play a role in our dreams, jobs, sports, or fun.
My husband didn't want my son to play with a play kitchen at his school. He said that it seemed like a feminine toy because it involved cooking.
Especially in families with younger parents, dance, and figure skating are on the decline for girls, while “tougher” sports like hockey and soccer are on the rise. On the other side of the gender spectrum, boys still aren’t participating in dance or figure skating. If we’re to believe in our survey’s numbers, we can assume that dads still aren’t comfortable letting their boys "go there."
So who — or what — do parents believe is responsible for influencing our kids gender identity and sexuality? According to our survey, most younger parents point to the media and brand advertising as a having huge effect on their kids.
We try to steer them away from media (movies, TV, books) that reinforce gender stereotypes (eg. girl being rescued, boy doing rescuing) but it is VERY difficult to find a variety of media that model gender-neutral or female-positive storylines.
Right now my daughter is becoming highly aware of gendered toy marketing. We are encouraging her that all toys are for everyone, but she is being influenced by the fact there are no girls on the package. The campaign only uses the word "boy" etc.
I didn’t find that statistic surprising at all considering the huge number of heated comments from parents when we post any kind of story about products and gender on our YMC properties like this one on gender and career opportunities and this one about LEGO and gender bias. The survey numbers tell us that parents believe that media and brands are the biggest obstacle to letting them raise their kids without gender stereotypes.
Here’s what I find exciting about the survey: Sentiments and behavior are definitely shifting about kids and gender in the parenting space. And that shift is forcing brands to address our concerns. Parents are being more vocal in the social space and companies are taking note.
I've asked family members to stop buying gender specific toys — for example, a Minnie Mouse vanity with a mirror and stool, for my daughter. I've asked them to think that if they would not buy it for a boy, then do not buy it for her. I've told them that she will get enough of a push from society to be one way and that its our job to show her all of her options not just traditional ones.
It's working: In 2015 Target announced it was removing gender labels from its toys and bedding section after a mom's critical viral post, The Disney Store isn't marketing their Halloween costumes as “girls” or “boys” online and in the U.K., Toys R Us are no longer categorizing toys by gender online. Even Mattel and (Barbie) have been pressured to change.
But here’s an interesting side note: We all know there’s power in speaking out, but ultimately we really vote with our dollars. If the bottom line isn’t affected, companies aren't forced to change their policies. Here’s where the dad piece comes in again. Fathers becoming more involved with raising their kids is having an effect in the retail space. According to our survey, more dads are shopping for their family, and are also more likely than women to buy gendered products. Moms are more aware of pink washed products and stay away from them. So, with more men out there in the mall, retailers may not notice as strong a shift in their bottom line in gender neutral products.
We are definitely making progress in transforming stereotypical behavior from our sons and daughters. While there are many ways and strides yet to go for our daughters, things are also evolving slowly for our boys, as dads slowly redefine what it is to be a man. But at least the conversation has started in making the playing field equal for everyone in the family.