Me-time used to be synonymous with down-time. Now, like every mom, I struggle to find 2 seconds to rub together where I can tune into myself, and tune out the rest of the world..without feeling guilty. Seriously? How does that worm it’s way into everything?
As I sit here staring at the remnants of colour on my toe-nails, I struggle hard to remember the last time I got to pay attention to my feet for any other reason than to avoid having my amazing 15 month old drop any number of pot lids, books, or wooden blocks on them. The truth is, part of me thinks that the chipping pedicure is a badge of honour. Somehow a part of my brain has translated the neglect I have fostered for myself into some kind of motherhood shrine. Like if I sacrifice enough, I’ll somehow earn the right to self-care.
Oh boy. I admit it. I have guilt issues. And possibly martyr issues too. Either that or I have a superhero complex. It’s all very confusing.
Yet I know I’m not alone.
A far cry from a pedicure appointment, a few weeks ago, I actually lied to my husband to get time alone. I didn’t mean to. The teeny fib slipped from my mouth before I could switch my ‘ethics filter’ on. I don’t know why I didn’t just say ‘I’m going to take a time out’. Rational or not (not), I felt compelled to show him that I was still working away, racking up those ‘self-care’ points. I didn’t want to disillusion him I guess.
I suppose my ego really does enjoy the glorified notion that someone, somewhere, thinks I’m Supermom. “I’m just going on a quick call, honey.” I heard myself say. What the hell was that? A quick call? First, I never make quick calls. Second, I just lied to my husband. But it was out of my mouth. And now I was going to rake in the contraband rewards of 10 whole minutes to myself. In the dark and quiet. Aah, Bed, the stolen moments we have together.
Feeling terrible, I 'fessed up as soon as I emerged from my nap. But as I spoke, my husband’s blank expression, the tv soundtrack, and my baby’s oblivious and vehement squeaking made me feel like I’d just come back from Narnia. (“..And I’m so sorry I worried you, and it was such a long time, and Mr. Tumnus was there..”)
After lovingly being directed to go back to sleep, the guilt was worse than ever.
I decided to put together a ‘Mommy Me-time’ survey to see just how many other moms feel guilty when they take me-time, and whether they’ve ever gone so far as to lie to get their way. Get this. While 100% of moms agreed that me-time was somewhat to very important, 9/10 moms still feel guilty when they take time for themselves. This is without lying like I did. And what qualifies as time for themselves? Activities sure to be risqué and shocking to garnish such shameful behavior I’m sure. Not so much. Reading was the top ranking activity, followed by net surfing, and a tie between checking Twitter/Facebook, and watching TV. Moms, we are living on the edge.
1.8/10 had lied to their significant other to have time alone.
It’s true. I did it. It doesn’t have to be a lie of gigantic proportions, but what this says to me is that 18% of us aren’t consciously valuing ourselves the way we need to. Since when isn’t the truth good enough for anyone? Damn that Mommy Shrine!
4/10 have hidden from their families (significant other and/or kids) to have time alone.
I’ve totally done this too. I’ve hidden. I’m admitting it. Under covers, in the laundry room, in the bathroom. I’ve even contemplated trying to fit under the bed so I can check Twitter without adorable, tiny, sticky, little hands grabbing my touchscreen. Is that wrong?
Time to ourselves is essential. I’m not a doctor. And I still feel guilty when I take time to work (even though it’s what supports my family), when I play (even though it keeps me sane), and when I sleep. (Ok, more like rest.) But this I know. As moms we are all thrust into the ‘multi-tasking extrovert’ spotlight, but we need to introspect to process the vast number of moving parts that are our lives.
"Me-time" is essential to self-respect, inner stillness and peace, maintaining growth-relationships, and perceiving ourselves as a whole. Sometimes we need to dwell in one moment and enjoy its beginning and its end. And while the guilt I could say ‘good riddance’ too, I know I could never trade the renewed love I feel for my family, and the clarity that hones my goals and dreams.
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