Ten years ago, after I was married and before I was pregnant with my first child, I sat in an office at the bank I worked at receiving my performance appraisal. These appraisals, as many know, are similar to the report cards of today. They are cookie cutter, fill in the blank appraisals, where the writer is given a list of politically correct words to choose from to describe the employee. So I sat and listened to three things I do really well, and three things I need to improve on. I answered as best I could how I was going to improve, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Then my boss read the final question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Without hesitation, I responded, “Not here”. My boss was a little taken aback, after all I had not given the typical “in your chair” answer where we would then exchange a good laugh and map my career path for the next decade. No, I’d pretty much said I had no future with this company. “Where do you see yourself then?” I looked him dead in the eye and said, “At home, raising my children”. I was as certain of this as I was of my own existence. There was just no other future I could envision or even want. When I finally did walk out of that office a little over a year later on my maternity leave, I vowed that was it. Work in the future was going to mean something to me.
Five years later I was doing exactly what I said I would be doing. I was at home raising my children. Which, by the way, I totally loved. I don’t regret one minute of the time I took to spend with them. For me, staying at home with my kids was like a calling, just like some feel the call of medicine or law. I told myself and my husband that when my youngest was in school full time, I would go find inspiration and an income. My plans didn’t entirely go according to plan when the idea for Best Tools for Schools came along and I started working a year ahead of my timeline. And that’s about the time when life started to snowball.
Inspiration has been coming at me for three solid years now, unfortunately it’s not quite hand in hand with the income yet.* Best Tools for Schools has been incredible and is an ongoing labour of love. It also led me to social media which brought me to writing at the Yummy Mummy Club, which also led me to the United Way, which brought my passion for philanthropy and volunteering to the forefront. Then I’ve recently started writing travel blogs and want desperately to continue with that. I also started Life in Pleasantville to have my own little happy place on the internet. I can’t begin to count the incredible people I’ve come to call good friends and mentors along the way. Then there are a couple of other sticks in the fire to which I’m too afraid to mention, lest I jinx it. Don’t forget, I still try my damndest to be Martha Stewart-ish at home. So, all of this is to say, that the snowball is gaining speed and right about now the only parts of me visible are my arms and legs sticking out. It all seems so crazy and out of control and unfocused and sometimes it is. But here’s what it’s not.
It’s not that office job where I punched a time card and couldn’t wait to get out of there. It’s not sucking the life out of me. It’s not shooting for goals that aren’t mine and mapping out a future determined by a corporation. It’s not making me rich financially, but definitely making me richer. It’s not stability. It’s not “work” by its traditional definition. It’s not easy. It’s not for everyone.
I am living my life looking through a kaleidoscope where the picture changes daily, sometimes hourly. It's usually bright and vibrant and my focus changes all the time, but it keeps me inspired. So for all the things my "work" is not right now, it is joyful. And that's all that matters to me.
*Word of advice for all future women entrepreneurs. When they say most businesses don’t make a profit for five years, they mean it.
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