All of us want to give our children the best start in life. We will do almost anything to ensure they thrive, get a good education, develop friendships, etc. These are the things that really matter. We follow the unwritten rule - kids and family first. But when our kids want things we just can’t afford, it becomes a very painful exercise to utter the words “we can’t afford it.” Secretly we may feel shame or embarrassment because we know other families who can. Money is a metaphor and for some it represents power and control. So when we can’t afford to buy something we may feel helpless or powerless in our lives.
The issue of affordability is becoming a problem in Canada. A recent poll by Ipsos Reid indicates that about 50% of Canadians are $200 away each month from not being able to meet their financial obligations – mortgages, car payments, and everyday living expenses. Life has become so much more expensive. Changes in the market such as weakness in the oil and gas sector, escalating cost of living impacts all of us.
Money evokes emotion and when we are faced with making tough financial choices, particularly with our family, we feel mother’s guilt. We can’t fathom sending our kids to school looking shabbily because we want them to fit in and look good. The pressure to fit in is getting out of control, but at what financial cost to all of us? With social media we know everything everyone is doing, wearing, or buying. There are no secrets anymore. It’s kinda scary if you ask me.
Each of us is faced daily with ads enticing us to spend our hard earned money. Do you feel the pressure to keep up? Sometimes it can be really challenging because we don’t want to feel left behind but want our kids to have the latest i-toys, high-end athletic shoes etc. It’s a juggling act.
I grew up in a household where money wasn’t discussed openly, but we did okay. My parent’s sheltered us from the tough realities of life. Today, I don’t think this approach works because of social media. I would rather be my kid’s best teacher about life and money than someone else.
I try to instill good money habits and values by setting examples when it comes to spending money. In my family, we are always making trade-offs with our money. For example, when we are planning a major purchase or family vacation, we get everyone involved to figure out "how we are going to pay for it" – whatever "it" is. That way the affordability issue becomes a problem to solve, not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Kids start to take ownership, becoming part of the decision making process, and don’t feel like they are part of the problem.
Just because you can’t afford something doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. It just means you have different financial priorities. It may be tough to say "we can’t afford it," but change this statement to “we can’t afford it right now because we have other financial priorities.” And, let’s face it: this is better than going into debt.
If we want our kids to learn the value of money and hard work, having these kinds of conversations makes money real.
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