I have written plenty of blogs that never make it to this space because I feel they are too ranty, or too personal, and in some very rare instances because I am afraid of offending people. So, believe me when I say that I thought long and hard before posting this blog. It directly contradicts the opinions of several of my friends and fellow Yummy Mummies, but I have decided that the ladies who may take offense are close enough to me to know it’s not a personal attack, just my opinion.
Tom and I are raising three girls. In this day and age, with the padded bras for kids, the high heels, the music videos, the slut walks, it’s hard to know what you should and shouldn’t let them see, do and wear.
Eleanor is 11, and she wears bras... not padded, but real bras, not undershirts. She asked for them and I allowed it. Does that make me a bad step-mom? I don’t think so. Am I sexualizing her? No. Girls grow boobs, and they wear bras. Some of her friends have already developed and they are wearing bras. Why shouldn’t Eleanor?
Rebecca is 6, and she loves shoes. The other day, her dad allowed her to buy a pair of little wedge heels. She loves them and she would wear them every day if she could. I happen to love high heels too, so I wonder if that influenced her choice in footwear.
Eleanor likes to don my heels and pretend to walk the catwalk. Once, Ethan did too, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t affect him sexually.
How does Eleanor know about the catwalk? We watch America’s Next Top Model. I questioned myself on allowing them to do this, but I felt okay about my decision when someone got kicked off because they were too skinny.
Both girls enjoy watching music videos, and Oh. My. God. If I have made any mistake it is probably allowing them to watch Lady Gaga. Thank goodness Tom and I explained that some material is not okay for them to watch, and Eleanor is really good at picking out what is not appropriate and turning it off. I’ll be honest; we were half way through Britney Spears’ song “Three” before I realized it was about threesomes and shut it off. I was making breakfast and Eleanor was saying “Maureen, I don’t think we should be watching this”. I’m still pretty sure none of them know what a threesome is.
I make sure to listen to the morning radio show that is family friendly because the one I want to listen to is way to vulgar for the kids, but once they are at school, I switch to my filth... and I laugh my butt off all the way to work.
Now, I am about to express what may be the least favourable of my opinions where this is concerned. I don’t hate the idea of a “Slut Walk”. I’m not saying I’m going to go put on a mini skirt and some hooker shoes and parade down Yonge St. (partly because those shoes were NOT made for walking) but I get what these women are saying. Do I want my daughter carrying a sign that says "Slut Pride"? Definitely not. Some people may not have understood the intended message. The slut walks are not to promote being slutty or promiscuous, they are intended to let people (in particular those meant to keep the peace) that the way a person dresses does not in any way reflect how they feel about having sex with someone.
We need to teach young girls to be strong and confident and let them know that they are allowed to say no even if they have on a tight shirt, or short skirt or high heels. No matter how a woman is dressed, no matter what her reputation is and no matter what your perception of her is; No means NO!
If we don’t talk to our kids about sex, someone else will.
I had a conversation yesterday that really got me thinking, so much so, that when I went home I forced my husband into one of those highly emotional, crazy conversations men hate.
He talked patiently with me despite the fact that the Stanley Cup finals were on, and I rambled on choking back tears because... well, because I was friggin emotional.
I went on about how exasperated I’ve been with the kids, how hard it is being at work when they are having dinner, the frustration I have felt between the two of us... I went on and on about EVERYTHING!
He talked (he hates to talk, it was one of my frustrations) with me about everything, and we came up with some solutions. That’s his thing, don’t tell me the problem, tell me how to fix it.
I cried. What’s a good crazy talk without crying? And we worked things out.
So, what was the conversation that sparked all of this?
I was talking to a co-worker about relationships. He was leery of commitment, worried about choosing the “right” person, and I told him that no one is perfect. There is always going to be some bullshit, you just have to choose whose bullshit you can put up with and still be happy.
I know that I am not an easy person to live with, and I am just happy that my husband decided he would put up with my bullshit... crazy talks and all.
I have written a few times about how much I hate it when moms judge one another. People who turn up their noses when they see a mom feeding her baby from a bottle, people who treat you like you are beating your child if you put a disposable diaper on them. I just think that these are personal choices and there is no need to judge one another.
But now, I have a confession: I am judging you.
I’m not the person sneering at you while your 4-year old has a melt down at Walmart that registers on the Richter scale. I didn’t gasp when you let your little one eat at McDonald’s.
Feeding your baby at the mall, I’m all for it! I didn’t judge you either. I certainly wouldn’t judge you if you needed a few hours away from your kids cause they were driving you crazy. Nope, I think these things are all pretty normal occurrences.
I will not judge you...unless you are wearing bad shoes. I’m sorry, I can’t help it.
If you are over the age of 10 and you are wearing these and you aren’t either nursing or gardening, I don’t get it! As a matter of fact, I think you look like a giant cartoon character.
Unless it’s snowing in July (which may happen this year), I will not know how you got confused enough to put these on your feet.
These are called Uggs for a reason... they are UGG-ly!
From what I am told, these runners with toes reminiscent of the rainbow toe socks are totally comfortable. Great, wear them when you run. If you are wearing them out at the store, I know you are just trying to freak me out. They kind of make my skin crawl.
Now, everyone has a pair of these, but that doesn’t mean they are fashionable. I totally understand if you judge me while I wear mine.
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