There is going to be a Little House on the Prairie feature film.
THERE IS GOING TO BE A LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE FEATURE FILM.
This thing better be 455 hours long because there is no way they'll be able to recreate all the best parts without that level of dedication. How do you pick the best episode? Was it when Mr. Edwards delivered gifts to the Ingalls family on Christmas morning? Was it when Pa made the special shoe for the poor child with one leg shorter than the other? How about when Ma was thisclose to cutting her OWN LEG OFF when she got a nasty infection from the fence? Or when the family had to eat pie made from green pumpkins because there were no apples to be found? WHEN MARY WENT BLIND?
It's impossible. I could more easily pick my favourite child of the two I've got.
No word on casting or plot for the film as of yet but I will definitely be keeping my ear to the ground on this one because for me, and I suspect for many of you as well, LHotP is our Star Wars.
This week Kanye missed his ego deflation appointment and his jerkball level reached near capacity levels. The fallout landed on Twitter, where he proclaimed his album not only best of the year, but best of like, all life or some such. It quickly spiraled into a classic Twitter war, the likes of which we haven't seen in years, and boy did it make me miss the Wild West Years on Twitter circa 2011. Normally I defend Kanye (not that he needs me) because I think a lot of his "anger" is completely justified by systemic, internalized societal racism. Wow. I am a real party today, aren't I? But I can't defend Kanye here because he started getting very judgmental and made some shitty comments about Amber Rose, a mutual ex-lover of his and his Twitter fight opponent, Wiz Khalifa.
At any rate - this time he dealt some low blows and the party ended when his ex-girlfriend chimed in between barbs with Kanye and Wiz, culminating in talk about how Kanye maybe likes fingers in places we don't normally speak of in public.
Master of None is a showcase for New York's Dev Shah and his friends - who are what I call "good people." They're not unflawed, and sometimes they conduct themselves like assholes, but there's an underpinning of genuine respect for their fellow human beings (as evidenced in the "jerking off on the subway" episode) that shines through and makes Master of None truly binge-worthy because the series functions much as a modern equivalent of a conduct manual, except instead of scaring you witless with anti-masturbation propaganda, Master of None reminds us to use our loud, outdoor voices when we see bullshit happening.
Grease Live will air live (duh) Sunday, January 31st on FOX, a network normally reserved for great cartoons and terrible news broadcasts. But hold not ye grudges jaded viewers, as FOX is set to redeem themselves for one night marked with special live musical performances by Julianne Hough (Sandy), Vanessa Hudgens (Rizzo), Carly Rae Jepsen (Frenchie), and YAY! -a black Marty, played by the amazing Keke Palmer. Palmer can s-i-n-g, and frankly, I would have liked to see her as Sandy.
It doesn't matter if you are 90 or 19; if you answer the question "What's the best TV show of all time?" with any answer other than "M*A*S*H" then you're wrong. There has never been a character as cool and kind as Hawkeye Pierce in a tuxedo and cowboy hat and there never will be. As long as Alda lives, my childhood had meaning'. You know; between all the otherwise shitty parts. Watching this show with my Gramma — even with all its humour I couldn't appreciate until later — remains some of the best bits of my early years.
I have birds and a dog. We've had fish, hamsters, and even a cricket or two has kept lodging here. I like animals and I get how they become family members, so a goat means no less than a turtle or a goldfish or a cat.
We're sorry for your loss, Tatum family. Godspeed, Heather.
Image Source: Netflix, FOX, WikiCommons, Lionsgate
You know Aziz Ansari. Next to Amy Poehler's Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation, Ansari's turn as the budget-playboy pertinacious entrepreneur Thomas Montgomery Haverford was the real draw of the show. In his new Netflix series Master of None, Ansari shows he has the chops to carry his own ensemble show — he's an amazing writer, he offers incredibly smart and funny social commentary, and he demonstrates at once that he is both confident and full of aww, shucks likability.
And now his Master of None is a must-watch. Ansari and writing/production partner Alan Yang are working with Netflix as a production team for the series, a series for which I will repeat you should frantically tune in to, like, now. Fake a flu, or "forget" an appointment, because it's a binge-watcher, for sure. The series comes in 10 parts, and although a new season has been approved and promised by both Netflix and Ansari/Yang, there is no release date as of yet, and while I'd neglect my kids any other day to watch another season, I'm glad for the reprieve so I can fully absorb the glory I just finished.
I started the show on recent Sunday (OKAY FINE IT WAS LAST SUNDAY), a day I usually reserve for cooking and family and chores. No one was fed, the house fell down around my ears, and one of my children still won't come when I call. Was the 5 hour binge-watch worth it?
I'd do it again and probably will, so these kids better learn to make their own grilled cheese sandwiches, let's leave it at that.
Let's get you up to speed on Master of None:
Dev Shah (Ansari) is a working actor in NYC, and he's doing well. He has work, gets laid without difficulty, and he has good friends. He can afford to go out yet his apartment isn't obscenely large for NYC and his income isn't a plot issue which is refreshing because saying screw it to that old trope leaves room for storylines beyond the typical "struggling NYC artist." (That's so Joey on Friends.)
Dev and his friends (an eclectic bunch including Noel Wells, Eric Wareheim, Lena Waithe, and Kelvin Yu) are all millennials in their late 20s and early 30s — the type who will miss a great taco opportunity because they can't decide which Yelp review has more merit, and who haven't spoken to a human face in a "store" in years. But it's not obnoxious and I sort of want to not speak to faces in stores anymore either, so I feel ya, Dev.
Dev and his friends are what I call "good people." They're not unflawed, and sometimes they conduct themselves like assholes, but there's an underpinning of genuine respect for their fellow human beings (as evidenced in the "jerking off on the subway" episode) that shines through and makes Master of None truly binge-worthy because the series functions much as a modern equivalent of a conduct manual, except instead of scaring you witless with anti-masturbation propaganda, Master of None reminds us to use our loud, outdoor voices when we see bullshit happening.
What do Dev and his friends want? What are they looking for? Nothing unlike what everyone else wants: to love and be loved, not ending up alone in a musty retirement building, getting laid with decent regularity, and some great food truck tacos.
Think about your bedroom. Close your eyes, and picture your bedroom as it is right now. Is it how you want it to be? Is it quiet and clean and organized? Does it help you get off to a great start everyday? Or is it the staging area for morning panic, a clusterfu*k of chaos, where you hop around on one boot while rummaging the depths of a crammed closet looking for another that's at least the same colour because the DAMN TRAIN IS LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is NOT a post about the zen feeling you can hope to achieve by making your bed everyday and burning lavender and sage in a bowl made from unicorn bone. I don't make my bed everyday; I just fold the duvet cover down to let my broken dreams air out. Instead, what I look for in a bedroom is just some freaking space to keep my silver bangles and an easier way to find one of my 34 white tank tops in a jiffy. If you've been following my Get Your Sh*t Together series, you know that I am not about perfection (first, it's unattainable; and secondly, the people I meet who are closest to perfection bore the shit out of me, quite frankly). It's interesting to be imperfect, but if your bedroom is tidy and well put together, then you have more time to be interesting. It's simple personality math, folks.
My house is small - like, shoebox, post-war bungalow small - and I don't have an ensuite. That means most of my morning routine is done in my bedroom because bathroom time is at a premium with teens in the house. Adapt or die they say, and so I have learned to organize my bedroom to perform double duty. Some great tricks to making the most of a tight space come from necessity, and unless I dry my hair int he garage (lolz; don't have one of THOSE, either...) I needed to find ways to make my tiny dollhouse bedroom work. Here are some of my tricks:
I keep my favourite jewelry on a small dessert tray. It was $5 at Winners and holds 87% of my jewelry needs: It's on a long shelf I hung under my mirror, a few feet above my long dresser, because that wall space is wasted anyway and a shelf doubles my storage area.
Rather than have my hairdryer and hair tools taking up space in my dresser drawer or cluttering up the top of my dresser, I plugged them in with an extension cord so I have plenty of movement room and hung them on the hidden side of my dresser closest to the wall. They're there when I need them, but no one has to see them. Get the good hooks - the dollar store stuff isn't going to cut it here.
My closet is small to start with (more on that below) and I can't dedicate any shelf space to purses. A few "drunken Octopus" hooks and a cordless screwdriver to the rescue, and the back of my bedroom door hangs all my bags and purses where I can see and choose them easily.
Pool noodles in boots has probably saved me a few hundred dollars in replacing footwear before its time. They stand up perfectly, let air circulate throughout the whole foot, and prevent cracks in boots that may flop and be forgotten for a season or two. Plus, if you can't see it, you're not going to wear it. Cut the noodles down to size with a serrated bread knife and you can even write on the side with a Sharpie if you want to remember which set belong with which pair of boots.
The same "out of sight, out of mind" premise goes for your necklaces. Hang them where you can see them, but where they won't be in the way! I attached Octopus hooks to the back wall of my closet and hang my necklaces in groups according to colour and length so they are easy to locate. Any loose necklace pendants and brooches are safe in a snap-close plastic box, attached to the wall with adhesive velcro so I can take it down to look through when needed.
Here's a quick formula to determine how many tank tops you need: Your age + 105. That's it. That's how many you need.
But they're finicky and too small to fold easily and they don't really deserve a place on a hanger or your closet will be jammed. Slip them on a lanyard - if you have TONS of them you can group according to colour - and hang lanyard on hook.
HOOKS. I F*CKING LOVE HOOKS.
This scarf loop hanger is from Ikea (All hail The Mothership.) It also hangs at the back of my closet, so I can easily push the clothes aside to pick one and it doesn't use up any hanging bar real estate.
I haven't been to your house, but I'm willing to bet you have over 200 spare hangers. They're taking up too much space on your rod. Put the extras (a reasonable amount - no one wants to be a hanger hoarder) in a bin on the floor of your closet where you can grab one easily when you're hanging laundry. You ARE hanging your laundry, yes?
Keep a small basket next to your bed - one that can slide underneath the bed if possible. Use it for your hair bands, hand lotion, charging cords, TV remotes, Kleenex, book lights, "party toys," whatever. But keep that stuff off your nightstand if possible. Leave your table free to hold items that make you happy, like books and snacks!
And keep a pair of slippers or light shoes next to your bed at all times. If there's ever a middle-of-the-night emergency and you need to GET OUT of the house, you'll be glad you had something for your feet. It's a good habit to get into!
Implement a few of these small organizational tips into your closet or other rooms of your house where you're feeling the storage pinch. Before long it'll become second nature and you'll reach instinctively for something in the right spot AND GREAT GOD IN HEAVEN IT WILL BE THERE.
Now, that's livin'.