THUMP! Goes a stack of dusty, thick textbooks onto the kitchen table. THUMP, THUMP! Goes little Bobby and Betsy's butts onto hard wooden chairs. Dad nods to Mom, and they both put on black robes and dad begins to stroke his long, white and imaginary beard. Cue the Victorian music... The ethics discussion can now begin!
I think this imaginary situation is the way a lot of us imagine discussing ethics with our kids. Dry, dull and utterly fruitless. But despite this, most parents have a strong desire to find effective ways to help our kids understand and apply ethics and values. We all want to build good humans out of our kids, or “projects”, but how?
Teaching Kids To Care: 5 Ways To Inspire Empathy
As a dad of two such projects who has just authored a book on the subject, I have some ideas:
LEAD BY EXAMPLE
When your kids observe you treating others fairly, being charitable, kind, or compassionate, chances are that they will pick up on that. If you try the old “do as I say, not as I do” technique, you'll be raising a generation of sneaks. EAT TOGETHER
This is so tough to schedule and implement, but so important. You're probably asking yourself, what does eating together have to do with raising ethical kids with good values? To be completely frank, probably nothing. But what it does is provide a foundation or forum for regular family discussion. That doesn't mean that you make mealtime into a time for airing grievances or dirty laundry. That would not aid digestion at all. Oh, and here's a tip before you eat, have each family member say one thing they are grateful for. It starts the meal off on the right foot. Oh, and here's ne more tip. The whole family needs to be there. It's not good enough for dad to delegate this to a “mom activity”. Dad cannot be excused (see tip #1).
Who Do You Believe? The Scientists Or Your Gut? SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A LOUD STICK
If your house has a tendency to be a high volume zone, consider turning it down. Nothing really positive comes from constantly raised voices. When kids hear mom and dad constantly speaking with each other at a high volume (can you say “arguing” anyone?) they will think that is normal. This goes back to tip #1. Kids will imitate and emulate your behavior. A home with a lowered intensity level is good for everyone in it. Plus, think of this. Your voice is one part of your disciplinary arsenal. If you're constantly blowing off your “big guns” by yelling, where do escalate your discipline from there? Plus at a lower volume kids might actually listen to what you're trying to teach them. MIND YOUR P'S AND Q'S
There are several theories about what the real origin of the expression “Mind your P's & Q's” is. Ideas range from the boozy pub notion of “pints & quarts” to something to do with printing presses. But I like the one that suggests that it comes from sounding similar to “pleases and thank-you's”. Isn't it nice when kids politely say please when asking for something rather than a demand? Or when you hear them say thank you when you pass them their coat? How about when being introduced to someone? Are they engaged in the event? Do they look the person in the eye? These are all little things that come from parental guidance and example (back to item #1 again!). And sure, they are small things, but as Vincent Van Gogh is said to have bellowed, "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." I'm assuming he said it loudly due to only having one ear... BE IMPERFECT
Training kids to have real values and real ethics means having the courage to be an imperfect parent. When you don't set yourself up as some unrealistic (or perhaps to put it more colloquially, fake, phony, or full-of-B.S.) parent, your kids will see that they are allowed to make mistakes too. A parent who is able to be imperfect and admit it will help their kids learn to not be overly proud or unable to admit when they've fallen short. When (yes when) they see Mom or Dad screw up and admit it and, once again referring to tip #1, they will be honest about their mistakes as they pop up.
Okay, so there are five simple ideas to help your kids learn values and ethics, but of course there are a million billion more (like teaching them not to exaggerate) that could be discussed. But if you've been paying attention you'll find there is a clear pattern here and it can be distilled into one word, or if texting, just one letter. Talking to or teaching kids ethics and values begins and ends with one simple answer. U. Or for you non-texters... YOU.
"
Printer-friendly version