This is the first time I've ever written on the subject of Father's Day. It's not a day I really look forward to. I mostly think of it as a chance to sell greeting cards. My kids and my wife tend to spoil me, which I like, but despite their efforts, I feel odd about this day. Guilty, even.
That's not to say I don't think that I'm a good dad. I take pride in being a dad, and doing "dad" things. Going to the park. Engaging them in cooking and baking. Teaching my kids about the stuff I know, and learning about the stuff I don't. On the tough behaviour issues, I try my best to hold the line with Alexandria. Sometimes we win, and sometimes we relent, but we always finish with hugs. I am the fixer of broken toys and the assembler of new ones. The IT department. The long-haul trucker. The morning shift. But mostly, for 50+ hours a week, I'm out of the house to work and bring home money. By far, that's my biggest contribution. As far as being a dad goes, going to work is not skilled labour. It doesn't make you great. It doesn't make you worthy of a whole day.
It feels impossible to be a dad worthy of a whole day while spending so much time away. So I'm left on Father's Day wondering what kind of dad I could be if I only had more time, and I'm reminded that I need to do more with the time I do have.
Mostly, I don't want to have regrets.
So, as I shake off this funk, I think I'll make this Father's Day the New Year's Eve of parenting for me. I'll celebrate the last year's highlights, smile about the amazing children I've been blessed with, and be thankful for the love and support of my partner in parenting. When I wake up tomorrow, I'll look forward to the new year. I'm even going to make resolutions. I've already started my list:
This is going to be be a great year. I can feel it.
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