Recently on the Motherlode blog in The New York Times, writer Devorah Blachor wrote an article called “Turn Your Princess-Obsessed Toddler Into a Feminist in Eight Easy Steps.” The tongue-in-cheek piece outlines how parents can modify traditional Princess stories and fairy tales to reflect modern liberal values by incorporating critical analysis of their overarching themes — mainly things like patriarchy, the glass ceiling, and of course, all the “isms.” Commenters had a heyday with Blachor’s article in a way that only internet commenters can.
Q. How many rude Internet commenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Hey why dontcha screw yourself in? You r a moron i hope you fall in a hole what a stoopid question JERK
I read Blachor’s article and thought, "Yeah; makes sense." After all, the humorous advice outlined in the article is sort of how I already speak to my children. Even during the bedtime story years when my kids were small, I would pause every now and then within the text of a story to explain themes and discuss metaphors. Now that my children are older and enjoy reading on their own, I still show an interest in the literature they choose, and I talk to them about it. When they were young my comments were often met by blank stares or snores, and I once had a three-alarm blow-up with my daughter when I insisted that Gatsby’s car is yellow for a damn good reason and hauled out my Norton Anthology of Literary Terms to prove it. The journey hasn't been without bumps in the road, friends.
Everything has a lesson in it somewhere and I try not to miss opportunities to have a discussion with my children. For instance, my 10 year-old son loves the television show Adventure Time, which, upon a perfunctory viewing, appears to be a lighthearted and funny show about a verbal shape-shifting dog with a serious gas issue and his male human friend as they navigate the perils of a post-apocalyptic world. (Yeah; it's cool.) I would have just considered it a simple cartoon had I not started watching with my son. Now, instead of just getting fart jokes and funny songs about bacon out of the show, he knows all about homosocial relationships and the loving power of fraternal brotherhoods. Also, the pending apocalypse. But I try to keep it light.
You have to talk to children this way - this "adult" way sometimes - especially older kids. I don’t think you should give kids more information than they need, especially when they may not be equipped to handle the emotions the crap in the world can sometimes inspire. But I appreciate the sentiment behind Balchor’s words because they make sense. We can’t (and shouldn’t) censor everything our kids may encounter and efforts to sanitize news only works for so long. As long as you balance the “real” world we live in with the world we want our children to create for themselves, you're ahead of the game. Sure, you may ruin a story or TV show or two by revealing darker underpinnings to the storyline, but as long as it's done with the intention of teaching values and not "haha I'm so gonna ruin your childhood," then I don't think it's improper to use age-appropriate language to teach kids something about the world through literature or media. So while I may impart elements of feminism or anti-racism or any of my values into a fairy tale, I’m not going to serve up real life examples of the bullshit minorities or women face in the world if my kid isn't ready to handle the whole, unadulterated truth.
Kids are bombarded with images and subtler subtext in almost everything they encounter and I feel like parents need to combat that by imparting bits of our own wisdom, the only caveat being if your "wisdom" is stupid or racist or harmful to others. Then just stay quiet, okay? We don’t need any more of that shit in the world.
Got a Death Wish? Go Shopping with a Teenager
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