It’s been so long since I intentionally smiled. I smile a lot, at home, at the mirror in the privacy of my bathroom. The smile I smile at myself in the mirror on my wall at home is a lot different than the smile I smile when I’m smiling for something. It’s a lot more like the one I gleam at my children when they surprise or delight me. My mirror smile is my honest smile, the smile I give to you isn’t.
For a long, long time, I have lived with these Gemini smiles. For a long time I’ve been nervous to share my honest grin, because I was afraid. Afraid that my smile wasn’t perfect, far from it. My teeth don’t sparkle, they’re not perfectly spaced, or even well spaced for that matter. Orthodontia, somehow ironically, making my smile worse rather than better.
BRACES! The things that were supposed to save me and my smile, actually ended up making it even less worth smiling!!! As I’ve gotten older, the vanity has faded. I’m a lot less concerned with how people feel about my smile. If kids ask about my teeth, where before panic would set it, now I explain it with a teeny pang of anxiety and move on. But the resentment, the anxiety, it is still there.
Nice teeth aren’t a right, they’re a luxury. They don’t put food in your kids' bellies and they don’t hold their value. When the choice is between paying down debt or trying to fix your teeth, responsible people always pick the debt. Right? Don’t they?
I’ve conceded to the fact that, at least for now, I have to live with this smile. The fake smile, the honest smile, will have to co-exist. I’m trying to let go of the neurosis about it. I force myself to smile my real smile in public and sometimes it is terrifying, but I’m determined. I want my children to grow up seeing what it looks like when I’m happy, actually happy. They deserve to see delight in my face, or else maybe one day they may not be able to find it in their own faces.
One day, I might actually have a net worth high enough to afford me a second shot at the smile I deserve, too. But until then, I’m going to keep smiling anyway.
Please don't make your child smile—while asking your child to smile can seem innocent enough, the long lasting effects are nothing to smile at.
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