I hope there’s a lab someplace working on removing colour from produce, because I’m not sure how long we can stave off scurvy here at our house. Despite unlimited access, my teenager hasn't eaten anything of colour in the last six months that a) grew from a seed or b) had roots at some time in its evolution. This "all-white" diet isn't cutting it.
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We love to eat here. We love food and we love going out to eat—especially at "all-you-can-eat" places, because things are better when preceded by the word “unlimited” . . . unless, of course, those things are “tetanus shots,” or “weekend visits from the in-laws.” It's easy, really—you keep it coming, and I don’t cause a scene reminiscent of Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment, except where she wants pain killers for her dying daughter. I want ketchup for my French fries!
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Occasionally, our family goes to such dining establishments where my kids and I are able to pick and choose from wide varieties of food we don’t have at home, because—surprise!—despite loving food, I hate cooking. My ten-year-old eats like he’s preparing for hibernation, and my teen has a good appetite, as well, but there is one huge difference—the younger child will consume his weight in salmon, garlic broccoli, fresh fruit salad, and black beans, while the teenager's plate returns with rice, mashed potatoes, chicken, bread, and pasta Alfredo. For breakfast this morning she had vanilla yogurt and a glass of milk. Every single thing is white. Our kids are supposed to eat a rainbow, but she shot too high and she’s eating the clouds.
So I've devised a handy list of tangible, concrete solutions you can employ in getting your teenager to eat a colourful, well-rounded diet:
Like all childhood phases and that Havarti cheese log your kid ate for breakfast, this too shall (eventually) pass. I suppose I should be happy she’s eating at all, but trying to get this girl to eat a variety of colours has proven more difficult than keeping a toddler from peeing on the clean laundry pile.
I know how teenagers eat, I was a student at University in my late 30s and I sat next to literally hundreds of kids in lecture halls and cafeterias for five years. (Note to parents: your kids are spending their meal allowances on gin for Brittany and Caitlin's dorm party.) Pancakes and hash browns are gobbled up in place of 12-grain cereals, and the salad bar sits lonely and dejected save for the adult students, campus staff, and that girl in Teva sandals with the unshaved armpits.
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Although I know this is a phase and it's likely that as an adult she'll eat a wide range of foods of all colours, it's hard to watch the vegetable tray constantly get passed over for the cheese and crackers, and she's eaten enough yogurt to ensure no one in a 50-mile radius of our house gets a yeast infection going forward three generations. But still, I laid down the gauntlet a few days ago. “You’re not having anything else until you eat a fruit AND a vegetable. Our insurance doesn’t cover treatment for beriberi and you’re giving the kale in the fridge an inferiority complex.”
She rolled here eyes, then reluctantly agreed and complied.
She ate a banana and some cauliflower.
I’m starting a “rickets” fund.
Read more from Jeni Marinucci about Teens:
Why "Free-Range" Kids Grow Up to be Safer Teenagers
Unsupervised Parties and Young Teens: Hell, NO.
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