Dear friend that has invited me to a home shopping party,
You know what’s better than just regular shopping? Shopping for products I don’t even know I want under intense social pressure thinly disguised as Cosmopolitans and 7 layer dip! I can’t even think why I would ever order my beauty products from the comfort of my own home, when I could book a babysitter, concoct an elaborate appie, bring it all the way across town to your house, and do it there?!
And I really appreciate how you texted me the words NO PRESSURE (in all caps!) in your invite so that I could really relax and just enjoy the shopping experience. It’s funny they don’t use those words in retail shopping locations. Oh, and I am so excited to hear that Amy will be there! I haven’t heard from her since that whole your-daughter-pulled-my-daughter’s hair debacle, and this will be the perfect occasion to let bygones be bygones.
Did I hear you correctly on that LONG Facebook thread? They have FINALLY made a knife especially for cutting lettuce? And, if I get one this week, I can get a second one for FREE! Oh My God, billions of years of evolution, ALL of this technology, and this simple Tupperware invention solves a problem that has been plaguing mankind since the beginning of time. Just wow. Mark me down for ten.
Oh, and your timing is PERFECT! I’ve been wanting to move away from pharmaceuticals, but I find asking my doctor or researching on the internet SO tedious. I’m really hoping to pick your essential oils consultant’s brain about this stubborn yeast infection. I hear the products can be kind of expensive, but, hey, you can’t put a price on your health. Plus, they are like totally natural, so you can’t go wrong, right?
I have to say, I JUST LOVE this business model. Like, it makes me feel SO much better spending $280 on these amazing items knowing that you, my dearest friend, will be getting a discount if you sell over $500 worth of product. But it would be even more awesome if we could get our party total up to $850 so ALL of us could save in shipping.
Before you even ask, I’d LOVE to host a party for you!! I have had my eye on the night cream, and I know the hostess gets a bottle as a free gift. It seems like everyone I know is already coming to your party, but I can ask some girls from the office. Speaking of which, Jen is still waiting on her anti-aging serum for your last order. I think you said it was back ordered, but if you have it, could you drop it off?
Hey, you know what I’m looking forward to most? Talking about sex toys with thirty of our closest friends. Like, I’m happy with Mark, but it never hurts to, you know, spice it up a little.
The Bullet 3.0 is AMAZING, but you never heard that from me. LOL. Mark dared me to go into one of those triple X stores once when we were holidays, and, I swear to God, it was SO creepy in there, This is the ONLY way to go. And I can’t believe that weirdo, Alice, from your work is coming. I bet she is into some REALLY weird stuff. I guess we’ll see, right? Haha.
Ok, well I’ve got to run. I’m picking up Lucy at her Youth Mindfulness class and then I have to stop at Party City for toppers for the cupcakes I’m bringing. Let me know if you need anything else. It’s a big fat YES from me.
Cheers! (See you Thursday.)