In 2018, while my business was blooming, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy that landed me in emergency surgery. This is when my 3-year fertility journey would begin. These were also the core growth years that took me from “just starting out” to running a successful branding agency. My world was filled with networking events, mastermind groups - you name it, I was buzzing around the GTA as a design powerhouse. Then, with a successful IVF cycle, I found my world bursting with another kind of joy. I didn’t take a full maternity leave. Instead, I stopped accepting new clients for about two months and took time to recover and figure out motherhood while still running after my professional ambitions. But let’s face it, no amount of planning (although helpful) could have prepared me for what I was about to take on.
There's something incredibly lonely about motherhood and running your own business simultaneously that is hard to describe.
It suddenly feels like you're not giving enough to anyone. You're not giving enough to your business even though, on paper, you haven't skipped a beat. You're not giving enough to your little one or so it seems based on the images you see on social media. You're constantly surrounded by people, constantly moving, constantly running and trying to get to the next level in your business and motherhood. Some days it feels like you have it all figured out, and others make you feel like you are back to square one. Some days there are wins, in your business or in motherhood, but it just never feels like enough; perhaps because, in the midst of it all, you forget about yourself.
I shied away from sharing these emotions because I was scared. I was scared people would judge me. I was scared people might think I was not enough. I was scared people would overlook me and not give me credit for what I could accomplish. Then I realized that if I’m flooded with these emotions, there may be others who feel exactly the same. It sucks that we have to put the highlight reel of our lives out on social media. It sucks that it's not normal to talk about these feelings. It sucks that society makes us feel guilty when we do. Everything is perfectly curated, and everything is always happy - there is nothing real to it. I'm here sharing my uncomfortable emotions because I know someone is out there feeling exactly the same.
I'm sharing this for you and for me.
You are powerful. You are a wonderful mother. You are a boss. You can have it all, maybe not at the same time daily, and that's ok. One day that little person is going reflect on the challenges you faced, the resiliency you showed, and be so proud. So keep going. Keep building your empire and raising good humans, one day at a time.