I’ve noticed a big trend in questioning from reporters and moms alike. They ask, “How can we want sex when we’re always so tired?”
My response, “Usually it’s not the being tired that is preventing you from wanting sex.”
An inevitable long and cold silence. Followed with a brisk (and defensive), “You don’t think being tired plays havoc on people’s sex lives?”
My response, “I think exhaustion is very real and a big concern for couples. No doubt, there are many times when a woman/ couple is too tired to have sex. Generally though, being tired shouldn’t equate to a person’s motivation to have sex—a.k.a. sexual desire.”
Although certain development stages in a child’s life (i.e. teething) impacts the parent’s exhaustion, it is not the cause of them wanting or not wanting to have sex. I know plenty of couples who have great sex lives— exhausted or not. In fact, they have more sex when they are tired because it’s their way of relaxing and feeling good (endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin spike after orgasming, etc.)
Instead of focusing on a “symptom” of being exhausted, the couple needs to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex—I call it single-woman sex. Generally, there is nothing much in the sex for the woman, and that is why she has a “headache” or is “tired.”
In order for her to want sex, she has to feel like her needs, wants and desires matter—married-woman sex.
One of my clients has four children under the age of six and runs a store front, retail business. Once she learned to ask for what she needed in her relationship (i.e. married-woman sex) she has more sex than before her children. Why? Because it’s her ONLY time in her extremely busy life when she feels nurtured and it’s all about her. Her husband is more than happy to oblige because he has a wife who is totally into the sexual experience.
My client is not an anomaly. I’ve seen too many people adopt my methodology—no matter what their busy circumstance—come out the other side wanting more sex.