Does it Count as Cheating if You're Just Dreaming About It?

Fantasies are not just for men

Does it Count as Cheating if You're Just Dreaming About It?

I dreamt that I cheated on my guy with an ex and I feel awful! What does this mean?

It’s not just men having wet dreams—women have sex dreams too. Some dreams get so hot and heavy, women can achieve orgasm… hopefully she remembers when she wakes up. Otherwise she’ll wake up feeling pleasant and won’t know why. It's a shame she won't remember, really.

This dream is probably your way of living out a fantasy—although you’ve probably never acknowledged this fantasy, as you’re having a hard time reconciling it now.

The “having sex with someone else” fantasy (with your ex or whomever) is a fairly common fantasy—close your eyes and think of Brad Pitt when doing the nasty is a nice way to spend the evening. And hey why not? The idea of a secret liaison is a dangerous, living-on-the-edge way to fill the gaps of an otherwise ordinary life. Nothing wrong with feeling extremely sexy and erotic.

So the best piece of advice I can give around guilt felt around any fantasy is: fantasy is not reality. Many people fantasize about crazy, wild sex that intellectually they understand will never happen (e.g. a threesome).

It doesn’t mean you cheated on your partner by fantasizing having sex with your ex. It simply means having sex with someone else is a turn on for you. If you actually went and had sex with your ex, that would make everything complicated. But it doesn’t sound like that is going to happen.

It’s better not to tell your guy about your fantasy. Although I never condone lying, some things are better left unsaid. However, if the guilt is eating away at you, clear the air and tell him.

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Relationship and sexual health expert, Dr. Trina Read, is the founder of and Sensual Tastes Events. She is a mom of two boys, a best selling author, a go-to media expert, magazine columnist, spokeswoman and award winning international speaker.