What does your astrological sign say about you? Sure, it’s just for fun, but what’s wrong with that? Here’s what’s in the stars for you (and be sure to check out the sign of your other, as well!)
January 20 – February 18
You’re independent, highly intelligent, and kind (but you have been called “cold.”) You hate small talk, are a natural born leader, and totally organized annual protests against the high school uniform. You’d explain how to do it to someone, except you know you’ll do it better yourself, which means this for you in the bedroom: You call the shots, and you don’t care if it’s partnered sex or not, so long as the job gets done – right. If you’re flying solo, make sure to use lots of lube (we recommend K-Y) and the same applies if you’re partnering up, but with this caveat: no kissing or “mushy stuff.”
February 19 - March 20
If Pisces had the choice, they’d conduct business and pleasure from the bathtub. There’s something about the pull of water for this sign that cannot be explained and thus when it comes to pleasure of the sexual variety, the wetter the better. Foreplay? Bubble bath. Sex? Lots of lube, please. Wrap up/afterglow? Warm shower. You’re also a very musical sign, so crank up some sweet, sexy tunes, grab the lube and your best bath towel, put your natural fearfulness behind you and get down to getting it on.
March 21 - April 19
Is anyone on the astrological chart as in tune with their body and sexual selves like an Aries? We’d be hard pressed to name one. Aries is confident and passionate, and they love being physical leaders. In fact, rather than giving advice or suggestions to an Aries on how to get the most out of sex, we should be asking!
Our only suggestion (and a gentle one at that) is that you don’t try to rush a good thing, because you are prone to impatience. We’ll say this: Enjoy the journey, as well as the destination.
April 20 - May 20
We all know Taurus for being “stubborn” and maybe that’s not such a bad thing? Because it also means these bulls dig in and never let go of great things either, and their loyalty to those they’re committed to is legendary. Taurus is actually a real lover of romance, so make sure you feed that side of yourself, too. They have a passion for “the best in life” but it doesn’t mean they are materialistic – just discerning. Buy them (or yourself, if you’re the Taurus!) a little something, but make it the best: fine chocolate, a great bottle of wine, the best cheese, or, if you’re looking for some sexy time, a bottle of a fabulous K-Y lubricant wrapped in a real silk bow. You will be thanked.
May 21 - June 20
Gemini doesn’t like to be alone, and they love to stir it up and sit back to watch what happens next. Their favourite question is any question they have and their brains run on “What would happen if…” All of this culminates in a fabulous (albeit sometimes challenging) partner and THAT means sex is never boring, especially with Gemini propensity for being one person one minute and another the next. You’re never boring and any partner you have is lucky to have you (and you don’t let them forget it.) Our only advice for the boudoir? Try to be a bit more decisive and please, for your own sake, relax and have some fun already!
June 21 - July 22
If you have a Cancer in your life, you are lucky. This sign is loyal and thoughtful, kind (to a fault) and almost always puts themselves last. They are the friend with the extra tissue, headache remedy, and cab fare. But – and you knew the “but” was coming – they can sometimes need some hand-holding. It’s a lot of take a lot, give a lot when you are in a relationship with a Cancer but it’s all worth it for these loving, sympathetic partners.
If you are a Cancer looking to up your sexy-time game, try to put your natural suspicion and pessimism away for a night now and then and be willing to fully embrace your highly-imaginative and artistic side. You are full of surprises and after all, who says “paint your own” has to be followed by “pottery”?
July 23 - August 22
Oh hi, Leo. Thanks for taking time to read this instead of having one of your royal subjects relay it to you. All kidding aside, this sign encompasses all the qualities of royalty, including the need to be treated as such. The downside is their arrogance and sometimes rigid outlook can steamroll right over anyone who can’t stand up to their needs. We see this as a great chance for a strong, powerful pairing and when Leos choose their mates, they often do so for life.
Advice for Leo in the love and sex arena is to make sure you channel your big, warm heart, and not judge so quickly those who are trying to… ahem… please you. Sure, sex CAN (and should) sometimes be all about you, but if you’re partnered , let them have some fun too.
August 23 - September 22
Virgo are “end of summer” babies and that fits; they are practical and smart, hard-working and no nonsense. All of this is great, but it can be hard for Virgo to unwind and let themselves (or others) have fun without trying to analyse or critique every move to the nth degree. (Virgos in the room, hands UP because you KNOW this is true.)
The trick here is to fill the moment with what Virgos enjoy, so that means lots of nature, pets, and oddly enough, a clean house. Virgos relax when the work is done and they can get outside, so if romance is what you’re after, get that house tidied and take a long walk in the forest with some pups or a horseback ride on a nature trail to set the mood.
September 23 - October 22
The cooperative, gentle, quiet(ish) Libra are fabulous partners, so long as they are treated kindly and with honesty. But don’t let these traits lull you into believing Libra is a pushover, because they hold a grudge like no other sign around! Libra like fairness and a soft-touch, so figure that into anything involving romance and sex. If you make plans and enact them in a gentle and consensual way, you’re holding the golden ticket to a Libra’s heart.
A word for the Libras: speak up if you like – or don’t like – something. Your pleasure counts!
October 23 - November 21
If anyone can give stubborn Taurus a run for their money, it’s a Scorpio. In fact, if you are one partnered with the other, you know an argument about what kind of toilet paper to buy can last weeks. The key to a Scorpios heart lies in your actions – not your words. If you say it, you had better do it, because Scorpios will make you prove yourself to them. They hate passivity, and while they are strong themselves, they adore partners and friends who match their strength of conviction.
When it comes to pleasing a Scorpio, be brave. Ask, and when told yes, do. They love assertiveness that comes from consent. These passion-seekers return in kind, and are not afraid to get a little kinky, so prepare yourself for some of the best loving you’ve had…ever.
November 22 - December 21
Sagittarius loves to laugh – and they love making others laugh, too. Luckily for them, it comes easily as they have one of (if not THE) best senses of humor amongst all the signs. Their playfulness shows up everywhere, from boardroom to classroom to bedroom, and if you are partnered with a Scorpio you know the feeling of laughing out loud in the bedroom, and in a good way!
So while Sags may sometimes flake out on promises made, they will make you laugh about it, and it comes from an innocent place of wanting to do anything they can for people. When it comes to sex, they rarely need anything other than what they already have – ahem – at hand. “You do you” was a phrase built for this pleasure seeker and that’s a sentiment we can get behind!
December 22 - January 19
Oh, Capricorn. Why are you always so hard on yourself? You have your sh*t together but never take the time to relax and enjoy it, instead using your free time to think up solutions to problems that don’t even exist yet! You love family and schedules and routine and hate… well, a lot of things. We say this with love, Capricorn: You need to CALM DOWN and take the time to appreciate yourself.
Your sex can border on perfunctory sometimes because you’re tired from saving the world, but we implore you to channel your disciplined self and make it fun, albeit structured. K-Y can help enhance your sexual intimacy by supplementing the body’s natural lubrication. You can read all the instructions as foreplay! (We kid! We kid! We love you Capricorn, and without you no one would have fire safety protocols.) Stop expecting the worst and enjoy the best – including sex!