YMC takes environmental initiatives very seriously. We know we can’t save the world from all that plagues it (leggings as pants, girls who don’t carry purses, cooking hotdogs incorrectly) but what we do know is that small measures add up like drops in a bucket. But to formulate real change, you need to make sacrifices.
And so the staff and writers at YummyMummyClub.ca have decided to be leaders and step up. We would like to announce the launch of an exciting new initiative - one we know you, our supportive and amazing community - can thrust yourselves into.
For the next 12 months, YMC will markedly reduce our collective carbon footprint by enacting great changes to our daily habits by eliminating one primary source of pollution:
SEX.
Yes, we are throwing ourselves on the sword and eschewing all manners of sexual pleasure for the next 12 months. It is our hope that by coming together, our cumulative celibacy will add up to great benefits for Mother Earth. We foresee this occurring in several ways, including:
Fewer between the sheets sessions means fewer sheet washings. If you play your cards right, you’ll cut laundry costs by almost 50%. That’s a lot of washer vibrations. Your partner can use all the time they’d normally allocate to foreplay to more productive pursuits that you (and the planet) can really appreciate, like converting your gas-powered vehicle to a hybrid or building a sod house for your new hemp clothing business.
Condoms and lube come in bulky packages, as do many sex toys. By eliminating their use, you’re cutting down on recycling expenses. You are a hero. Hot and heavy breathing creates a steamy environment, causing high rates of use for air conditioning units. By eliminating the heat-factor, you slash your cooling bill for the coming summer months! With less cold air in the home, you’re drawing less from the hydro-electricity grid. You’ll be warm and toasty. No more frozen fingers! (Blue balls remain a valid concern.) Cold showers are going to become very popular in your home. The drastic reduction of hot water use is going to save a lot of money, and a lot of precariously endangered species from extinction by lowering fossil fuel heating needs. By not fornicating, frogs live. No blow jobs? SAVING BEES, FRIENDS.
But you may be wondering what to do with all that pent up and unreleased energy normally expended between the (now clean) sheets? Over the next year our home and DIY and Home Decor Blogger Sarah Gunn will offer tips on re-shingling your own roof with hand-pressed shingles, and the YMC Foodies are working on building a small-scale working dairy farm so they can offer cheese-making tips. (It should be noted that Katja Wulfers and Maija Moments are currently not returning our phone calls.) We have a roster of great health professionals like Andrea Nair who are here to help with emotional needs, because who wants to handle a cranky toddler when they now have a parents-only fun time coping technique removed from their arsenal? Dr. Kim Foster has assured the most frightened staffers (ahem..Candace Derickx) that they cannot, despite fears to the contrary, "die of acute horniness." Pregnant blogger and teacher Erin Chawla was reportedly heard complaining, "Too little, too late," while rubbing her nine-months and counting belly.
All that time previously devoted to things like hand-washing delicate French lingerie and sugaring hair from the vaginal region lest we offend our partners with the natural state of the human body means we can concentrate on what really matters: The return of Outlander. (This may be fraught with issue as several characters are difficult to resist.)
On this note, TV and Movie "Screen Queen" blogger Jennifer Rathwell promises to deliver weekly updates on our favourite shows to keep our minds on point and away from the lure of physical contact. It should be noted, that upon learning of the eco-measures, Green blogger Gwen Leron cried. That's how devoted she is! (At least we are assuming they were happy tears. She hasn't come back to her desk.)
Our fearless leader Erica Ehm thinks the new "Save Your Sex; Save the Planet" initiative is a wise move for YMC: “I think it will really boost productivity! And what a great way for us to free up time to spend with our families!”
Nadine Thornhill - YMC’s resident sex expert and vocal proponent of more sex more often – as well as three of our four male staff members promptly quit after reading the internal memo which outlined the plan. Joe Boughner had several pressing questions regarding "loopholes" and "the fine print" and YMC Editor Jeni Marinucci voiced concern over being able to keep up her end on some promises she'd made in relation to getting her dishwasher repaired. And just to be safe, we've removed a lot of sexual innuendo from the site in order to reduce frustration levels. For instance, YMC "Head Writer" Sharon DeVellis will now be referred to as "Supreme Main Writer."
While we’ll miss those contributors who chose to take sabbatical, we understand and respect that their needs are important, and we look forward to their return come April 1st, 2016, when the YMC eco-friendly no-sex initiative concludes.
So get behind us! Come on. Do it for the planet- Don’t give a fuck.
Read about more great YummyMummyClub.ca initiatives here, like our national chain of Home Daycare Centres.
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