Why I Hate Halloween

The Nightmare Before Christmas

It’s time to come clean. I hate Halloween. There I said it. It’s out there now and no matter what the fall out, I’m glad it’s off my chest. I know it’s not popular and I’ll probably lose Halloween lovin’ friends over it, but it’s a burden I’ve carried for years. Yes, I go along to get along. I’ve dressed up for my kids, I’ve dressed up for my friends, I even pull out a few decorations to keep up the charade, but all along I’m secretly counting the days until it’s all over. Here are the three reasons why I wish Halloween would just go away.

Scary stuff scares me. Really. Like I’m not talking like a little nervous laugh here, I’m talking nightmares for months, still checking under my bed at 42, doing the sign of the cross if someone even mentions the Exorcist and hiding under the blanket when a commercial for a scary movie comes on kind of scared. I’m a great big ole chicken. Bock, bock, bock. It’s okay, I’m cool with it. Go ahead and make fun, I’m comfortable with my cowardice. As you may have noticed, Halloween is kind of focused on the scary. The occult, skeletons, zombies, ghosts, dead people, ax murderers, creepy crawly things. I actually just gave myself the shivers. Moving on.

I hate dressing up. It takes me waaaaay outside of my comfort zone. I feel silly and self-conscious. I stopped going trick or treating very young because people just wouldn’t give up the goods to a kid in jeans and a sweatshirt. If the Human Rights Commission had been around then I might have filed a complaint for denial of candy to children who hate dressing up. Totally unfair in my books. Over the years I’ve dressed up occasionally and I’ll do it again because nobody likes a party pooper. Seriously though, just so you know, when you see me in a costume, I’d rather be locked in a closet with Freddy Krueger and that’s saying a lot. (See above)

I view Halloween as a roadblock to the holiday I love most. I want silver bells, peppermint bark, cookie baking, elves, glitter and pine scented everything. I just want to skip over Halloween and all it’s creepy nonsense and get to the real deal. The show. Christmas! Instead I have to spend October carrying my rosary beads around with me and sleeping with a night light. The Nightmare before Christmas indeed.

Candace Sampson is a mother, volunteer, entrepreneur and recovering housewife who believes popcorn is not a snack, it’s an entrée, clean clothes are a privilege, not a necessity and Martha Stewart will be dropping by at any moment to slap a condemned sign on her house.

Follow Candace on Twitter at @Candace_Dx