I have always been one of those fence-sitters who had a small ethical dilemma about fairy tales. Yeah, I tell my child a small lie. But the amount time that a person gets to believe in magic in the world - real magic - is so short. The real, adult world has so many flaws and harsh truths and disappointments, and he'll have to deal with those soon enough. So how could I deprive my son of the right to enjoy the wonder that comes from believing so purely in something?
I knew that the discovery was going to happen sooner or later. And this year, it did, when another child told him that his beliefs weren't real. He got off his schoolbus and looked me in the face and asked for the truth.
I asked him, "Are you sure? You can't un-know the truth." He was sure. So I told him.
Predictably, he was a little sad that magic vanished from his life.
I'll be honest; the magic disappeared from the Holiday season a long time ago for me. I haven't felt the spirit for a while. My family is secular, and our traditions of holiday togetherness have been thrown into disarray due to distance, illness, and friends and family forming new traditions of their own. So we've had only commercial ties to Christmas lately - and that's nothing that brings any joy.
But my son needed me to restore his joy in Christmas, even though I was having a crisis of spirit myself. And I blurted out the first thing that came into my head as I pointed to my heart: "The real magic in Christmas comes from here."
And that's when I realized, that in this time of unsettled feelings, sadness and anger - when there's so much terrible news around - I can't wait for other people to help me find my holiday spirit. I shouldn't wait. I have to work at it, too. Good feelings start from within, and even if I don't feel so Christmassy now, the act of consciously doing things that will bring those good feelings will help bring that spirit back.
So I created a list of 30 acts of kindness to help seek out that Christmas spirit that anyone can do. And I'm going to do them with my son. Please consider joining me.
Even if you can't take an animal into your home, we can endeavour to help others take care of them. Animal Shelters are happy to receive our money - there's a lot of things they need to buy like pet food and cat litter. But there are many things we already own and may never use that can also help your local shelters a lot. And bonus: you can declutter your house at the same time.
Old towels and blankets - for bedding and to clean animals up.
Old newspapers - to help line the bottom of cages.
Old toys - if your littles have outgrown some of their toys, many dogs love stuffies. It helps with loneliness and boredom.
We'll remember this quote: “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Once while I was killing time at a Wal-Mart McDonald's before my bus was due to arrive, an older gentleman plopped himself down in the seat opposite me and began to talk. I was polite (if bewildered, at first) and we tentatively began a conversation. It wasn't very long before I realized he was looking for someone - anyone - to connect to, even if it was only for small talk. But our society doesn't encourage people to socialize much with strangers, and those who might be bereft of family and friends can get very, very lonely.
We talked about the weather at first, and then the city, and then our loved ones (who, not surprisingly, he didn't get to see very often). He forced his way into my life because he needed attention and I happened to also be there alone. I ended up being glad I could give himself something he needed so much so easily. It cost me nothing, after all, to be kind and listen.
We will try not to be so self-absorbed that we fail to notice others might need or want our attention.
Even when we're parents, it's easy to let ourselves get frustrated by other people's bored or crying children. The last thing we want to have to endure after a long day is a wailing toddler in the check out line at the grocery store. But we forget that, as strangers, we often can distract a child easier than the parent can.
If someone's child is being nuisancy, and the parent is busy trying to take care of something else - or even looks like they're just trying to enjoy one single minute away from unrelieved parenting - play peek-a-boo. Crying is like nails on chalkboard, but people have to be pretty hard-hearted to not be cheered up by a baby's laugh. And your ears will thank you, too.
We'll remember what it was like to be a struggling parent and that it's this simple to give a helping hand.
Admit it; many of us buy a couple of boxes of KD, or some oatmeal, or some peanut butter and crackers for the emergency food bin and call it good. While these things are important, take it from someone who spent a month trying to live on a tiny budget: it can be a soul crushing grind to try to treat your family the things they want to eat when money is tight. I couldn't afford coffee and tea for weeks.
Buy something for the bin that someone who's struggling to keep their family fed might consider a rare luxury. Coffee. Tea. Mini chocolates. And then maybe consider some of the other equally-important items that most people overlook when they donate to the bin: things like like diapers, baby food and formula, feminine hygiene products, and canned vegetables.
We'll remember that there are people who are struggling to make ends meet at the cost of simple pleasures.
I remember one day being stopped by a stranger who told me she loved my green purse. It was as simple as that, and it made me feel pretty awesome.
It took her two seconds to make an impression on my life, and she probably didn't even realize it. It has been years, and this memory still sticks out for me.
We'll remember that a compliment can make someone feel tremendously better about themselves.
Do you remember feeling gratitude that someone bought you a coffee? When's the last time you paid it forward in the drive thru? If you don't remember, it's time to do it again. Better yet, go inside and give someone the gift of a coffee face to face. Maybe you'll make a new friend (like the lonely senior).
We'll remember that even the smallest acts of generosity can inspire generosity in others.
A smile is something we don't do at strangers often enough. It's not just a greeting and a show that we're not hostile; it's an acknowledgement that someone exists and that you're pleased to encounter them - however briefly. In this time of tension, especially concerning people of other ethnicities, I think it's especially important to demonstrate visibly that not everyone is unhappy to see them.
You might not feel the first smile going in, but I guarantee that after you get the first smile back, smiling at people will feel a lot more natural and rewarding.
We'll remember that a smile alone can make someone feel included and welcome.
While being kind to strangers is a rewarding experience, it's good to remind your colleagues that you think of them when you're not face to face with them too.
We'll remember that the people who we encounter daily in the workplace and the school are people in our lives who could use some acknowledgement.
If you're a serial road-rager, or even if you simply get impatient with traffic, make a special effort to be aware and considerate. Let someone in your lane; stop in advance of a laneway when there's a light so people can exit onto the street; make sure you signal and avoid cutting people off.
We'll remember our patience decreases the stress of others - and makes things safer.
Yeah, it means a few extra minutes in the cold, but what lesson do we teach our kids when we say our neighbours aren't worth a few minutes of effort?
We'll remember that our neighbours aren't just people who live there; they're friends and allies who are worth our consideration.
Coffee shops aren't just for people to buy a coffee. They're also safe places for people of limited income to get out of the cold and be around others. The elderly and people who are homeless often will take refuge in coffee shops for these reasons. Leave them a paper to enjoy as much as you did.
We will remember to not waste an opportunity to share something.
The retail and service industry can be grueling this time of year. A lot of people take on these positions as part time work to make a little extra cash for the holidays. So think of it like a small bonus to people who also have family and friends to buy for.
We'll remember that people who provide services for us are doing so to provide for themselves and their loved ones.
Social media can be a brutal space. When people feel secure in anonymity, they can lose their civility towards other people. People who angry and upset can lose their objectivity, too. Try to keep a level head and post some joyful or thoughtful comments. Tweet nice things at people and companies. Share beautiful pictures. Defend someone (politely!) who might be being attacked unfairly.
We will remember that behind the screens are people with feelings, too.
Everyone says never to read the comment sections - and there's a reason why. People who have nothing bad to say often say nothing good either - whereas people who have something bad to say want to make sure everyone knows it. Don't let the trolls and haters have the only voice. If you enjoyed something or found it informative or helpful, say so! The people who write for your entertainment or information will definitely be grateful someone appreciates what they do.
We will remember to acknowledge the good and not just the bad when we see it.
You know you have good clothes and toys you're never going to use. Don't wait for a garage sale. Clean them out and donate them to places that will resell them and use the money for good.
We'll remember that things collecting dust in our possession might be valuable to others.
Most of us will blurt out a name of someone we haven't talked to - but would like to talk to - if we're put on the spot. Don't track them down on Facebook. Call them with no more of ulterior motive than to just say hi.
We'll renew old acquaintances that we've let lapse.
Why should we shrug our shoulders, say "not our responsibility," and let garbage sit around as an eyesore? All we have to do is pick up something someone has left behind and throw it away. If it's not our responsibility to better our world, whose is it?
We'll remember that we have control over making our surroundings better for ourselves and others.
The number of people in nursing homes who won't receive a visit during the holidays is heartbreaking. Even those who are suffering dementia and who appear to be unresponsive need some kindness and engagement. Look for an outreach program that encourages visits from young kids, or just inquire at local nursing homes to see if you can volunteer some time and visit and play games.
We'll remember to respect the elderly and show them they're not forgotten even if they're cloistered.
If we're honest with ourselves, we all know we have had moments where we're less than stellar. When we're stressed, hangry, tired, or upset, we can take it out on people even when we don't mean to. If someone takes it out on us, we don't have to give in to the automatic response of getting angry or upset in return. Instead we can try to reflect on what might be upsetting the other person and see if we can offer to help - sometimes even making the offer is enough to restore balance to the other person.
We'll remember that we have the ability to influence the behavior of others with understanding.
You don't have to necessarily knock them dead at karaoke night. One of the most amazing experiences of my life was when I was traveling with a crowd leaving New Year's festivities in Niagara Falls. As hundreds of people were walking fairly tightly packed, together, up Carson Hill, one man in the middle began shouting out the lyrics to 'Yellow Submarine." And pretty soon a hundred people were singing the chorus along with him.
We'll remember that people are often happy to unite under someone's impromptu leadership to do something great.
Are you awesome at baking? Whip up an extra batch of cookies for someone who could use a pick-me-up. Are you great at photography? Take some nice photos of your friends and send them along. Is someone you know overwhelmed with a new baby or family illness? Enroll them in a meal service or make some freezable meals - or a maid service or some hands-on time.
Even a token, handmade gift that represents both yourself and something of the other person means more than a gift card for $100, and it doesn't have to cost you anything but a little time - which most of us know is more precious than money or cluttery-type stuff anyway.
We will remember not to let convenience, commercialism and busy-ness overtake thoughtfulness.
When rushed and busy, we can take our loved ones for granted. Put down the phone, or the dishes, or whatever other minor thing is getting in the way of quality time. The news and the chores will be there later. Spend some time touching your family, saying kind words, and looking into their eyes.
We will remember to not take those closest to us for granted.
Write funny and inspirational notes on post-its and leave them for people to find. Grab your child's hand and skip. Play hide and seek in the grocery store. Bark back at a neighbor's dog. And if you get other people to participate or play along... you get bonus points.
We'll remember to give ourselves permission to have fun and not take things so seriously.
Thank the garbage men if you can catch them. Write a letter to your school's janitor. Bring a treat to your local fire station. Send flowers to a nurses' station.
We will remember the people who do things for us without expectation of recognition.
Organ donations, blood donations, being part of the bone marrow registry... all of these things are completely voluntary and require you to opt-in. You could save someone's life just by registering, if you haven't already.
We will remember that a small sacrifice could mean saving someone's life.
Performance matters in a lot of jobs, and often performance is also used as a metric for pay. If someone goes above and beyond for you, make sure you let the employer know that they have a valuable employee.
We won't forget that we appreciate someone's hard work.
Not everyone feels comfortable giving out money to beggars. But you can make a baggie with a couple nonperishable food items, some warm socks and toiletries for about $5. Trust me, the truly needy will take them.
We won't let a few bad apples keep us from caring for those who need our help.
Pick your kid's brain and leave (or send) a completely unsolicited anonymous gift that nobody will ever trace back to you. Ever.
We will remember the joy that truly comes from giving without expectation of a reward.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” - Dalai Lama XIV
We will remember that life does not have to be a zero sum game. Everyone can win if we work towards this purpose.
We should remember we don't have to be struggling alone as individuals trying to bring light into the darkness.
Anne is one of those people who usually speaks to others in memes, pop culture references, and SAT words. On those occasions she can be understood at all, she likes to entertain others with a sense of humour usually described by friends as “hilarious—once you get to know her.”
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