Today I proudly wear a rhinestone headband in hot yoga. I celebrate my strength and myself.
Standing firm in warrior pose with my headband sparkling, I think about the year that has gone by.
A year ago today I was on the table having an emergency hysterectomy. I had been suffering from fibroids that had become so debilitating I could not leave the house, work out, or even go out and socialize. These angry tumors were causing me such heartache, and something had to be done.
Not only was I becoming a shut in because of terrifying bleeding, but I was also always hot! The heat generated from these angry masses was enough to heat a home. I never wore sweaters in the winter, and would constantly be complaining about how hot I was. The inflammation was taking over my body.
Inflammation is remarkable—rather like dominoes in your body, it cascades into different parts of you and can drastically change your health for the worse.
Having a hysterectomy is very emotional. I had battles with myself knowing that this was what I needed to be healthy again. Thankfully, I have had two beautiful children, so that was not my biggest concern. I had wanted another child, but knew that I might be getting a little long in the tooth for that possibility. The anger was due to that option being taken away from me. It would no longer be a discussion.
The thoughts also crept in whether or not this would still make me a woman. The uterus is one of the things that make us female. What would life be like without it? Would I still feel the same?
I quietly wept, mourning my loss the night before surgery. The following morning, twenty–two pounds of tumors were removed along with my uterus.
Switching to warrior two, I smile, as that is not where I am today.
Today, I am strong. My uterus is gone, but so much goodness has taken its place.
I have learned about the strength of friendship. People from my past came forward and offered their support. Flowers arrived with encouraging words inscribed on colourful cards. One person that I have not seen in over fifteen years texted me, constantly checking on my progress with recovery. My abdomen may have been empty, but my heart was full.
Yoga is always helpful. We spend so much time with high-paced activity—chasing our children, trying to balance work with home life, and giving back to our community. Yoga challenges your body, but quiets your mind at the same time. Breathing is key, and the more voiced your breath is, the more you show support to your yoga sisters around you. Your breath fuels them, as theirs fuels you. Amazing.
RELATED: Is Getting Rid Of The Pain Worth Getting Rid Of My Uterus?
Along with Yoga, I learned about eating an anti-inflammatory diet, and have incorporated mostly raw food. I am a huge foodie. For me, food from my kitchen comes with great passion. Nothing shows love more than someone taking time to make you something that fills your belly. Raw food is an adventure. The combinations that come together to make things are very creative and sometimes unusual. I am now learning the art of non-cooking.
So much has changed over a year. I have more breath from yoga. I don’t worry about things like I used to. I also have discovered that I don’t have the patience for petty things anymore. I have learned that people come into your life for a reason and sometimes they go out of your life for a reason. I have learned that there is a difference between giving up on something and letting go. I have let go of negativity both in life and people in my life. I think of them as a balloon drifting off into the sky.
I don’t want to be skinny, I want to be strong. I want to be able to lift up my kids and squeeze them despite the fact that they are as tall as me. My health comes from the inside out and is forever changing and improving. Where I am today is not where I will be tomorrow, and I love all the possibilities that are coming down my path. I am not perfect—far from it—but I have learned to appreciate who I am. Perfection is only an illusion, after all.
For any of you that have gone through this emotional journey, I send you a huge hug. Not only are you strong, but also just remember that there is now an entire aisle at the pharmacy that you just don’t need anymore. Rather wonderful, isn’t it?
My sisters, my hyster-sisters, I celebrate you and your beauty, your strength, and you honouring me with your friendship. Every one of you has quality that I wish to emulate.
Hugs.
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