Gone South

We all know that having a baby means that your body has changed and for most of us| will never be quite the same again (unless you're Heidi Klum). If you're like me| you tried sweating those last ten pounds off at home by buying an elliptical machine and a bunch of Tae Bo DVDs.

Now the elliptical is gathering dust| Billy Blanks is warped and you've managed to gain another five pounds. You blame it on breastfeeding and that your body needs that extra fat to help produce milk. But your belly hangs over your jeans| your stretch marks are starting to turn silver and the excess skin is reminding you of a chicken leg.

So now what? Call Jenny? After months of deliberation| I joined a gym. After just a few workouts| my body awoke from a long hibernation. My butt started to tighten again and I could catch a glimpse of my long-lost abdominal muscles that I thought had gone away for good. Yeah! Excitement! I could get that twenty-something body back!

Oh but wait...two kids later| who am I kidding? No matter how many minutes I do on the treadmill and how many weights I can lift| am I still going to have a flabby belly and loose skin? Let's not forget the boobs... those perky girls I enjoyed in my twenties have now gone south. Soon they're gonna reach my stomach and then I really won't have a waistline.

Even worse| my boobs were small before and after breastfeeding two hungry boys| they're even smaller now! They have deflated permanently. I've done the test; place a pencil under your breasts and see if they hold it up; if it stays| they sag. For me| that pencil is pretty damn secure! Heck| I could store a piece of gum under there| my keys| wallet...

A boob lift or job and a tummy tuck sound so tempting! If I had an extra $15|000 lying around| I'd definitely consider some type of enhancement... whether I could actually go through with a surgical procedure is another story. After watching shows like Dr. 90210| I'm not so sure. I've seen how they stuff those huge silicone implants into that tiny little hole where your nipple should be but have cut out temporarily during the surgery - yikes!

If I were to ever consider plastic surgery| it would never be for anybody else but me. Only my husband is going to see my breasts anyway. And maybe the musicians I flash at a rock concert!

I'm not seeking perfection; I'm pretty happy in my own skin. But there are moments when I would love a little extra boost of confidence. And full C cups.