The Evil Eyes. The way everyone looks at me like I am out of place. Of course I'm at the gym, I'm not very fit, where else should I be. I mean, if I was at Krispy Kreme, you'd been telling me to go to the gym! Besides, fitness centres were not made for people who are in perfect shape, skinny and healthy! They were made for people who can't tie their shoes...so there!
Lack of eye contact. The thing is, now that everyone has an iPod or mp3 player, they are completely oblivious to the fact that there is anyone else at the gym. I understand being absorbed in your music while you are doing your cardio, but it appears that the affixing of the earphones causes the departure of all social skills. Is it so hard just to nod in passing or smile when someone says hi to you?
The Booster Juice Bar. Certain fitness clubs have Juice franchises at the entrance of their clubs and honestly, I find it pretentious and irritating. Why can't they just sell regular juice and water? I had a low blood sugar episode soon after I joined the gym, came stumbling out of the change room to buy a bottle of juice and spent 6-7 minutes trying to negotiate a plain glass of juice with no acai or wheat grass. The poor kid behind the counter was so bent on selling me some life changing smoothie with health benefits that would rock my world for only $20 a glass, that he missed the point that I desperately needed a glass of juice...just juice!
The Awful Stairs. I'm of course referring to the huge stairway that takes me up to the second floor workout area. As my health club has a wonderful pool on the lower floor, I have to walk all the way up a giant set of stairs before I can even start working out. Now as much as I loathe the climbing of stairs in general, I specifically have a problem with this set because, after I have killed myself on the elliptical machine I have to then maneuver my shaky legs down a precarious set of steep stairs with some semblance of dignity. Fortunately due to number #2 on this list no one looks at me, so even if I fall, it is unlikely anyone will even notice.
The Divas. Ok so I understand that I am one of the less-than-beautiful people that the club has permitted to join (probably in an effort to remind members what will inevitably happen to them when they stop going to the gym). But I find it irritating to walk into the change room and see some little blond twit preening and adjusting her bust into just the right angle to ensure that she looks super cute in her workout gear. Who started this? Aren't you supposed to look terrible when you are working out? Why are girls putting on makeup and fixing their hair and bras to ensure they look sexy before the head onto the floor to sweat and grunt?
The Mirrors. There are mirrors EVERYWHERE in the gym! Why? Is our workout routine somewhat more effective if we can see our movements on one of 17 mirrors? Does it help us lose weight when we actually see every ripple and bulging blob move at the worst possible angle? Mirrors in the class rooms, the change rooms, the waiting room, the bathroom, and every mirror has at least 3 angled mirrors attached! Enough! I know I'm out of shape...I don't need to see all my flabby spots in triplicate!
The Naked and Unashamed. Ok so while I'm changing into my workout gear in front of one of the 67 mirrors in the changeroom, I will inevitably see the reflection of someone who is walking around buck naked on their way to or from the shower. Is this uncomfortable for everyone or just me? Why can't you wrap yourself in a towel? Do you brush your teeth and put on makeup at home in the nude? Does it not even occur to you that the fact that some of us are covering up to change might be an indication that we are not ALL cool with the public nakedness? I'm just saying...
Spinning Class. 'Nuff said
The Televisions. In theory, TV's at the gym seem like a great way to keep you entertained and pass the time while working out. Unfortunately they always seem to be left on a channel full of food commercials, or worse, a cooking show. Honestly, when you are sweating your butt off on the treadmill, you definitely don't need to see Rachel Ray slathering pasta with parmesan and serving it up with garlic bread and wine.
The Fitness Assessment. When I joined the gym, I had to pay the club my intro fee plus $50 for a session with the personal trainer, where he measured and "assessed" how fit (fat) I was. Really? Can't you tell by looking at me that I am fat and out of shape? Could we just agree on that, save my $50 and go for a coffee or something? Or better yet, maybe I could pay $75 and you could tell me that I am NOT fat! That would be a very rewarding trip to the gym.
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