How to Have a Fat Day

I reassess my eating habits whenever I start to feel like I’m backsliding.

Inevitably what I find is that, on the whole, the food I consume is varied, low-fat, and proportioned accurately for my height, build, and exercise patterns. I cook from scratch and use few instant food supplements besides powdered soup stock.

But who cares about all that. I grew up on crappy food, and the taste for it has stuck. My parents’ idea of a staple meal was “hamburger gravy” – ground beef fried with onions, then watered down and poured over a great pile of buttery mashed potatoes. Our vegetables came from bags in the freezer.

So I try to balance my healthy habits with a respect for my inner child. Every once in a while, I indulge in the secret favourites dictated by my inner palate. If I do it too often, I start to feel farty, greasy, pimply, and gross. So I keep it down to once a month or so.

Everyone’s always giving advice on how to eat well – here’s a plan for a Fat Day you can feel good about. It requires a bit of tweaking for each individual, so you don’t end up feeling sick, heady, or anxious halfway through the day. Take account of your reactions to food and limit those items. If you can factor in a nap around 1pm, all the better.

First of all, when you get up in the morning, drink a glass of water and go for a brisk jog or walk around your neighbourhood. This will counteract the creeping sense of nauseated guilt you may experience throughout the day.

3 Bad Meals

Eat some fruit with breakfast, but other than that, go crazy on your favourite greasy fare. Eggs, bacon, potatoes, hash browns, the works. If you don’t enjoy fried food in the morning, slap on an extra-thick layer of peanut butter or jam on your toast. Alternatively, get some full-fat yogourt and mix it with nuts or store-bought (read: high-cal) granola.

At lunchtime, I have a penchant for PC White Cheddar macaroni and cheese. It’s difficult to describe the happiness I feel when eating fake sauce and pasta. Combine it with a few carrot and celery sticks. Have a brownie for dessert. Drink something.

If you go in for fast food, have a cheeseburger and fries for dinner. Bring the family; they’ll love it. Otherwise, use some instant breading mix on chicken parts, leaving the skin on. Have cheesy potatoes and corn on the side, with lots of butter. Get the kids to help you make ice cream sundaes for dessert.

3 Bad Snacks

Today it’s important to think about what kind of caffeinated beverages you’ll be consuming. Some like coffee first thing in the day. Hot, milky black tea is delicious in the morning and late afternoon; it goes well with sumptuous high-fat muffins, which should be liberally laced with chocolate chips. Coffee and butter tart is my morning break. Okay, butter tarts – cringeworthy, I know!

In the afternoon, you’ll be starting to feel a bit irritable. Time for a fruit snack. Try a danish or turnover, and wash it down with a big glass of water.

When you’re gearing down for the night, you need to eat a pile of chips. I like barbecue flavour. For those who – gasp! – don’t like chips, eat pretzels or sesame snacks. I drink homemade beer with my snack, but you can substitute whatever alcoholic beverage you prefer.

Now you’re ready to eat and be merry! Just remember, pay attention to your body and mental state. If you feel overwhelmed, crunch on a few raw vegetables. Drink water. Get fresh air. The good news is, a balanced approach will only improve your Fat Day.

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