The youngest daughter has been putting me through my paces lately. Testing. Pushing boundaries. The other day, I had pretty much hit the limit; my patience was gone. I was in that place where I was so happy the day was over, so happy it was finally bedtime.
As I was standing there tucking her little pajama clad five-year-old body into bed she caught me by surprise, saying, “I lie to you every day.” I was in the middle of arranging blankets, carefully tucking in her stuffed dinosaur friend. My mouth was a bit agape. No immediate reply sprang to mind. “Just little lies, Mama. I tell you one little lie every day.” I raised an eyebrow, looked down at her sternly and asked “Pardon?”
“I lie to you when I tell you how much I love you. I tell you I love you to the moon and back, moon and back, moon and back, and all the way around the world and to Bubby’s house and back, and the moon and back again. But that’s not true.” As she paused to take a big breath I thought, here it comes. She’s going to tell me she doesn’t love me anymore, because, you know, I do horrible things like make her brush her teeth and go to bed.
I braced myself for something mean to come out of her mouth, but instead, she said, “I’ve never really told you how much I love you. Because it’s more than that. Because it’s different every day. And because I just can’t, I don’t have the words to say how much I really love you.” Her tone was so serious, earnest and intent.
And my heart just exploded. Seriously, I felt like the Grinch in that holiday cartoon… my tiny, grumpy, I-can’t-wait-for-this-kid-to-shut-the-heck-up-and-go-to-sleep-so-I-can-have-five-minutes-to-myself heart just exploded until it was 10 times as large.
Of course, I told her I loved her too, just as much as words couldn’t say, and gave her an extra kiss on the forehead and said goodnight.
Oh, my goodness. This child. She drives me insane, but she is also the sweetest and most loving person I’ve ever met. Moments like these are the payback for all those long frustrating hours when you feel like selling your kids to the circus, right?
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