Put a group of women in the room and if they have children or if someone in the group is pregnant, the conversation will eventually get around to labour stories. Some try to sugarcoat labour to save expectant moms from any unnecessary pre-labour anxiety; others relish the opportunity to tell their tales of pain and gore like they are reciting scenes from Nightmare on Elm Street.
One of the fears of expectant mothers, whether they admit it or not, is that they are going to poop on the delivery table. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's really not a big deal and you should stop worrying about it. If you are pregnant, don't spend one minute stressing out about pushing out more than just your baby.
Here is the truth. We all poop. Whether you are old or young, pregnant or not - everyone poops. The queen poops, (Megan Fox, who is wicked hot) poops and editors still put her on the covers of magazines. The doctor delivering your baby just pooped this morning so did the nurse and they don't care if while you are pushing that you do. In fact, if it happens, that means you are doing it right.
We live in a society where we dog owners follow around our pets through the park with a plastic baggie. We stand and watch them do their business and when they are finished we pat them on their head and say good job and way to go! Pooping is a celebration! Yet, mention it to someone who is in their ninth month of pregnancy and they panic.
Nobody in the history of parenting has ever sent out an announcement to their friends and family with the caption: It's a Girl! Fred and Sally are pleased to announce the birth of a beautiful girl. Sally pushed out a eight pound five ounce girl and some poop....six ounces to be exact.
My point is everyone is focusing on the baby and no one in the delivery room cares about anything but you and the baby. Besides, for the next two years all you are going to do on a daily basis is deal with poop.
The first time your baby poops prepare yourself for what can only be described as a molasses explosion. You lift your babies' legs up and it is like a tube of toothpaste that just keeps coming. The baby's first poop is called meconium and is intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile, and water. Meconium is almost sterile, unlike later feces, is viscous and sticky like tar, and has no odor. Oh, and there's a ton of it so when you change the diaper be careful as you lift their legs.
Here is my advice for preparing for your birth:
When you are in the last month of your pregnancy, do not go out for a huge Mexican meal.
Don't invite anyone into the delivery room who has never seen you naked or pooping. (Parents, spouses, kids, doctors and nurses all fall into the acceptable category.)
Have your husband choose his video camera angle carefully. My brother once described watching his wife give birth was like watching his favorite restaurant blow up in his face.
Do not try to get off the bed when you are 10 cm because you have to visit the little ladies room. If you weren't embarrassed to puke in the sink of the bar that one time you got drunk and your friends had to clean you up and take you home then this should be a breeze. At least this time you get something really awesome at the end of the embarrassing story.
Wear socks in labour. You never feel truly naked when you are wearing socks.
No matter what your birthing plan is, be ready for changes. Just know the most important thing is that at the end of it all the process is nothing less than a miracle....Poop and all.
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