Need an Easy Body Hack? Buy the Wrong Size Pants

I accidentally bought the wrong size pants.

This happens sometimes when your number one method of clothes shopping involves grabbing something off the sale rack and then sprinting across the store to catch your three-year-old before she falls down the escalator. It can also happen when your number two method of clothes shopping is showing up to the store ten minutes before closing and then buying whatever you happen to be holding when it does close.

So, yes, it’s not uncommon for me to buy the wrong size pants. But this might the first time I ever bought pants that were too big for me. You’ve heard of body dysmorphia, right? You usually hear about it in relation to eating disorders; people will have an exaggerated perception of their own flaws. They’ll think they are overweight when they really are not, for example. Well, I kind of have that, except, THE OPPOSITE.

Like, I’ll have put on ten pounds, but every time I look in the mirror, I turn to the side and suck in my stomach and think, “Looking good!” I’ll see pictures of myself and think, well, that was a bad angle. I keep trying to squeeze into places I think I should fit. The number of things I have knocked over with my ass alone is humiliating. And, of course, I keep buying pants that are too small because I know what size I take, thankyouverymuch.

But this time the pants were too big. I don’t remember if that was the only size left on the sale rack or if I was trying to come to terms with needing a bigger size or what. But they’re just a little… loose, y’know?

Like, I’ll put them on in the morning and they will seem to fit fine. But then I’m halfway to the bus stop and they’re starting to slide down my hips a little. My underwear is showing at the back. The crotch is getting a little baggy. I have to keep tugging them back up every few blocks.

Holy shit, do I ever love these pants. They don’t make me feel like I’m wearing giant-sized pants. They make me feel like my body is too skinny for these pants. It’s a feeling I have not experienced for a long, long, long time.

So, all right, it’s kind of a sloppy look and these are definitely leisure-type pants. I wouldn’t recommend wearing clown pants to the office or to an important meeting or a fancy event. But if, hypothetically, you happen to work at home and you are mostly, 90% of the time, just schlepping around the neighbourhood anyway, then I totally recommend putting on some big-ass pants.

Do you know how much easier this is than actually losing weight? Amazing.

Previously published at Playground Confidential.