Parenting is all about following your instincts but sometimes problems come up that require a little help. From pregnancy and newborns to toddlers, school-aged kids and beyond, we rounded up the answers to these top questions asked by parents.
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The biggest help for your child to manage big emotions is to see how you manage yours, for you to be calm, and for a plan to be in place with steps your child can follow when angry. I call this an "angry plan" and will write about it more in the future. Gordon Neufeld, PhD calls this type of plan, "scripting a tantrum."
So, you've cut the "wrong end of the freezie" (I have!) and your child loses it. Here are some suggestions to getting through your child's rage-time
My friend asked me if it was possible that her daughter was sexting. Gulp.
Like many of you, she bought her two tween daughters iPhones for Christmas. Like many of you, she hadn’t set rules for what the phone is ‘supposed’ to be used for, but she also hadn’t really thought about the real implications of her daughters being fully connected to a network of friends when the parental units are not around.
Sexting is defined on Wikipedia as “the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.” On urban dictionary it’s defined as “the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later.” The truth of the matter is if a kid is underage and sending or receiving photos—even of themselves—with naked breasts, genitals or bottoms it could potentially violate child pornography laws. Serious stuff right?
Last spring, two of our friends had daughters who turned eleven. They promptly took the Red Cross babysitting course — eleven is the minimum age — and informed us that they were available to babysit for us. My oldest son was nine years old at the time and while there is no minimum age in B.C. for how old kids have to be when left at home, we didn't feel that he was quite ready to be left in charge of his younger brother and sister. If we were going out on a night where we wouldn't get back until quite late, we used older babysitters, but if we were just going for an early dinner and a movie we hired one of the younger girls. It seemed a little silly at times, because while we used to leave detailed lists for babysitters when our kids were younger, now all we had to do was leave our cell phone numbers. All three of our kids know the bedtime routine, how to work all of the appliances/electronics/etc. and what they can and cannot have for a bedtime snack.
In the past few months we revisited the thought of leaving our oldest in charge of the other two for short periods of time.
It was my husband’s idea to let our four-year-old daughter watch Ghostbusters. But who’s she going to call when she has a nightmare at 4 a.m.? That’s right, it’s mommy she wants for some reassurance and comfort.
Even without the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, little ones tend to start having nightmares around the age of two, and bad dreams can reach their peak frequency between four and six. When children get older, they’ll be able to wake up from a nightmare and reassure themselves it was just a dream, but before then, they may need your help to get back to sleep.
Why can’t siblings just get along? Why do they have to bicker, tattle and fight constantly? How come they always want what the other one has? Does it really matter who pushed the elevator button this time? Every thing is such drama when you have more than one kid.
As parents, we need to help our children learn to get along and we also have to help encourage a more caring and co-operative relationship between siblings. Unfortunately, the way most parents go about it is not only ineffective, but actually stimulates more fights than it fixes!
Here's the situation—you are just about to slide a perfectly prepped roast beef into the oven when your child announces, "I don't want to eat meat anymore." You wonder how in the world you are going to make dinner in such a way that a) everyone is happy, b) everyone is receiving sufficient nutrition, and c) you are not going to turn into a short order cook.
It is possible to smoothly incorporate vegetarian options into a meat-eating household. I've been a vegetarian for many years, and I've been following a mainly vegan diet for the past two years. Neither my husband nor my children share my dietary philosophy—in fact, there is nothing better that the three of them like than big, juicy steaks on their plates, preferably with a side of bacon. And yet, I cook only one dinner for everyone.
Yummy Mummy Arlene A. from Toronto, Ontario asks:
My 10-year-old daughter is a perfectionist and very sensitive. She really takes what people say about her to heart and cries. How can I help her understand that imperfection is okay?
Psychotherapist and Parenting Expert, Alyson Schafer answers:
Dear Arlene,
You have the right attitude mom, imperfect is okay!
Sadly, it is very easy for our children to mistakenly conclude that mistakes are NOT okay and that only being “the best” or “being perfect” are acceptable. How do our children come to these erroneous conclusions?
Carol Dweck knows. She is the author of "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success." She found that children develop one of two types of mindsets; namely "fixed" or “growth.” Let's look at each.
A parent recently contacted me, concerned because her child was having difficulty learning to read. It’s painful to see your child struggle when gaining a skill, and worrisome to know they are falling behind their peers.
Don't worry, I'm here to help! Try these 10 (plus 1) tips to help your beginning reader catch on and catch up.
“Shelby wants to walk to school on her own,” a client said to me recently, twisting the scarf she wore until I feared she might choke herself. “I don’t know what to do—tell me what I should do.”
Often, the choice of whether or not to allow a child to walk to school unaccompanied is fraught with fears of injury or worse. When our generation was school aged, many of us journeyed to school on our own; the roads didn’t seem as busy, stranger danger wasn’t broadcast all over the news and our parents didn’t seem to worry about our physical safety as much as we worry about our kids’ today. Children who crave and are ready to experience independence need to be supported by the adults in their lives. Independence builds confidence, problem-solving skills and world awareness, all beneficial qualities. Being told, “no” repeatedly to requests for independence can be harmful, resulting in clingy, uncertain, immature behaviour that may continue for decades.
When is a child ready to walk to school unaccompanied?
As your baby’s fourth month approaches, night feedings often decrease, which translates to baby being able to sleep for longer stretches at a time and even through the night. This is an exciting milestone as it generally means baby may sleep for up to six hours per night, a significant improvement over the first three months when your baby needed to be fed every couple of hours. If you are very lucky, your baby may already be in a good sleep routine. If not, developing a routine2 — and sticking to it — can help improve baby’s sleep patterns and yours.
Make music, not war. Is that too much to ask? Even talented kids who love music will put up a fight when it comes to practicing. I've been there myself (still playing piano after 36 years), and 9 years still driving my three children to lessons. That's a lot of accumulated blood, sweat, tears and wrong notes. The question is how to get kids to practice their instruments without losing your mind.
You can use these tips and adjust them to the rhythm (haha) of your child's personality and schedule. Some of these tips come from my own experiences, and some come from the pens of experts. Just remember that this a longer journey. Be patient, because music doesn't happen overnight.
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