Colleen Anthony: What Surprised Me Most About Motherhood

A Runner-up Winner of the YMC/Playtex Writing contest

Colleen Anthony - What Surprised Me Most About Motherhood

YMC teamed up with Playtex to celebrate the wild ride of parenting by asking moms to submit a story describing “What Surprised You Most About Motherhood.” The stories made our judges laugh, cry, and nod heads in agreement, but they were finally able to narrow it down to these winning submissions. Read this runner-up winner's story about how motherhood surprised her.

I never dreamt that being a mom could hurt so much.

Not the labour (though that hurt too) but each time they tumbled…a crack against the coffee table, a fall from the crib, the car crash I still can’t let go of, an accident on the ice, a tumble down the ski hill…and more. They healed. With each bump and bruise, cut and scrape…they healed. Yet the feeling still grabs me.

The sight of a little blood makes me weak behind the knees. Not anyone else’s, just my children's.

My eldest was six when the next one was born and I remember being worried that I could never love another as much as I loved her. And yet, the strangest phenomenon occurred—my heart simply grew. Doubled in size with the new arrival and doubled again just another year later.

When you become a mom, your heart resides outside your body and inside these little people—with their tiny feet and wee small hands—your heart is theirs.

You’re never really the same.

You live and breathe for their every need.

You feel their hurts and disappointments as if they were your own and not just the falls and the tumbles but the aches of growing up—not making a team they worked so hard for, being disappointed by a friend who teased them, not knowing where they fit in this world they reside in, or the agony of their first broken heart.

You feel their pain. 

I thought I knew what love was until they entered my life. As each one took up more room in my soul, as I struggled to meet their needs not knowing if I was doing it right or wrong I realized thatit didn’t matter. They worshiped me. I could do no wrong. Each of them peering into my inner being. Each of them becoming part of me. As my heart doubled, then tripled, then all but exploded.

They are my life. I live every day knowing that they’re watching me. That my actions and decisions shape who they are. Shape who they become. I hold their fears and disappointments as if they were my own. I rejoice in their successes and achievements as if I were the one being celebrated.

I never dreamt that being a mom could be so all-consuming and absolutely wonderful, totally terrifying and simply amazing.

I never dreamt I’d be so loved. By three beating hearts, that were once in mine.

For even more inspiring stories that celebrate and reflect on what it means to be a mom, visit our "YMC and Playtex Writing Contest Winners" page.

I started writing "Curtains are Open" to drag myself out of a heinous divorce. I'd always wanted to write from the time I was a little girl...I just never had the confidence to pursue it. Then, when things were moving along exactly as planned and I thought life couldn't be any fell apart. In my head was a whole whack of crazy that had to get out. I started writing, in fact, the very night my ex left I wrote in my after page of words and sentences that someday, after a few shots of tequilla, I might actually read. Or burn. Or possibly rip out and make paper airplanes and origami cranes. I'll let the tequilla decide.  

In the four years that I've been blogging, I've come to discover a great passion and at the same time...realized a dream I'd long since abandoned. I've met amazing women and am told that on occassion, I inspire one or two of them. Me...a big ol' mess of crazy and I'm an inspiration! Which only goes to show you how normal we all are...if normal is nuts! 

So...while "Divorce" and "Moving On" are no longer the main topics of my blog...simply living in this crazy world while trying to raise a couple of kids, pay the bills and live a postive life while fighting against a head that usually goes to the negative...are.

My blog is about living the best life I can possibly live...while everyone watches and cheers me on. The Curtains Are Open. Wide, wide open.