Mean Moms

Believe it or not, the most surprising part about becoming a new mom wasn’t the weekend I stayed in and nursed twenty-two times a day for four days straight to get my baby’s weight up, or the ridiculous amount of pain I was in for three months after a forceps delivery and stage three stitches, or even getting the babe and I out the door on time to our various appointments and errands. I don’t wear a superhero cape nor do I have some abstract high tolerance for handling pain, but I make this confession honestly—the most surprising part about having a baby, for me, has been dealing with other mothers' comments towards me and my baby, as I navigate the new waters of motherhood. When did it become okay for moms to make snide comments about the way you choose to bring up your baby? Isn’t motherhood challenging enough without thoughtless comments that leave you feeling like maybe you don’t have a baby tight grip on this parenting thing after all?

And let me be clear, I’m not talking about moms who offer helpful pearls of wisdom at the right time—such as recommending great organic diaper cream and letting me know when cool baby gear is on sale—or the mothers that cheer you on as if you are competing at the London Olympics, when all you want to do is pack in the whole breastfeeding thing, because you don’t think you can handle the blistering nipples any longer (but when you do succeed, it really feels like you deserve a gold medal). I am, though, specifically talking about the moms who insist that their way of raising babies is the best and only way. Parenting choices don’t exist in their world, and they aren’t afraid to let you know.

At times, I’ve felt like I have unwillingly been cast in a mommy version of Mean Girls (Mean Moms), where moms strut around with expensive strollers and give you dirty looks and whisper into each other's ears, because they see you giving your baby a bottle of formula instead of nursing. I’m not alone in my feelings, either. I’ve asked some friends if they have ever felt the sting of comments or glares by other moms, and, not surprisingl,y there seems to be a recurring pattern of mothers making mothers feel bad.

One friend was moved to tears, because another mom commented on the type of diapers she used. “I would never use those on my child,” the mother brazenly chimed.

Another friend felt completely inadequate when a stranger came up to her while she was feeding her child from the bottle and said, “You know, breast is best!”

And while my husband and I were vacationing at a resort with our three-and-a-half-month-old daughter, one grandmother boldly asked why I didn’t leave my child at home, so that I could enjoy a proper vacation. Really? Does being a mother mean that we have the right to act like the babies we are raising? Who, in their defense, do not have the maturity or capabilities yet to understand that words can be hurtful. We moms do, though. With a lethal cocktail consisting of lack of sleep and raging hormones to contend with, being a new mom is a super sensitive time already, and it has me thinking—can’t we just amicably agree to disagree?

From formula and feeding schedules to immunization, co-sleeping, and pacifiers, choosing the right options for your babe can be a daunting task, let alone having  to deal with other moms openly poo-pooing your choices.

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of opinions, too. The difference is, I try and remember the important lesson I learned as a child—if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. I don’t want to play a part in the destruction of mothers. Instead, I try to swap the negative thought out with something positive that I can see they are doing, because, let's face it, there is always something positive we can reflect on and learn from each other. And if it comes to the point where I just have to vocalize my disdain for something I really don’t agree with, well, it goes in the vault—also known as my husband.

So, I propose a motherhood renaissance. A rebirth of change towards how we moms treat one another. Let’s celebrate the blessings of motherhood and the differences within us. Whether you prefer to let your babe self-soothe or plan on breastfeeding until your little one can carry on a conversation with you—it’s your decision. After all, no one knows your child better than you do.