Welcome to motherhood! After the excitement of childbirth, you and your partner may soon realize that caring for a newborn has put your old life on hold. With so much to do, finding time for a shower or to brush your teeth can seem impossible. Small daily indulgences, such as reading the paper or having a coffee while it’s still warm, seem like a thing of the past.
“With so much responsibility on their shoulders, it is no wonder many women experience a loss of identity,” says Cindy Zizek, registered nurse. “I tell my patients that it will get easier. With each week that passes you will find more and more time for yourself and your partner. The important part is to take each day at a time, finding moments to rest when you can and to carve out a few minutes for yourself each day. Just be sure to love every moment, because it goes by so quickly.”
While your number one job is to care for your infant, it is still as important as ever to maintain some semblance of your prior life. Not changing out of your pajamas for days or forgoing showers may leave you feeling like you have disconnected from your normal life. Within the first few weeks of giving birth it is normal to have feelings of unhappiness and anxiety. These emotional changes and mood swings are commonly referred to as Baby Blues. These feelings are caused by the overwhelming responsibility of caring for your new baby, compounded by a change in surroundings as well as your body’s biological response to the rapidly changing hormone levels after pregnancy1. “Don’t worry if the first few weeks are tough,” explains Zizek. “By about the two week mark, both you and your baby should be starting to adjust to this new normal.” Carving out time to rest and making time for you can help alleviate the stress associated with taking care of a child.
“It is important to recognize that in the first few weeks after giving birth your body is going through an enormous change,” says Zizek. “The endorphins that helped you through delivery are subsiding and your hormones are on an emotional rollercoaster. Caring for your child around the clock with limited sleep and confined to your child’s feeding and sleeping schedule may have you feeling shut-in from the world. Recognize that you will likely have shifts in attitude and that it is perfectly normal to cry. If you feel your symptoms are worsening or that you can’t shake the feeling, speak to your health care professional.”
If these symptoms persist or intensify it may suggest postpartum depression. Symptoms include restlessness or irritability, crying often, lack of energy or motivation, eating too little or too much, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, withdrawal from friends and family and fear of hurting the baby or oneself.
The symptoms of postpartum depression may be your body’s signal that you are at the end of your mental, physical and emotional rope. With all the new roles and responsibilities thrown at you, your body is having a hard time adjusting after the incredibly difficult work of labour and delivery. As well, the shift in hormone levels, the expectations of motherhood, birthing practices and level of support may all affect how you feel during those first crucial months after giving birth2.
“Ensuring you have a strong support system and carving out time for you are important in the first few months,” says Zizek. “While you will undoubtedly change from just being you to being you plus ‘mom’, you can’t forget or discredit the important identity you held before your child was born.”
Ensuring you have a strong support system often means dad must find ways to care for you and your baby too. Some dads may find the adjustment period difficult because their roles aren’t clearly defined. If dad focuses on taking care of the house and you, helping care for other siblings and being sensitive to your needs, this can go a long way to ensuring you get the rest you need to be a healthy and attentive mom3.
Your baby is getting older and the feedings and diaper changes are less frequent. You finally have a bit more time to breathe. So now what do you do? Often, just getting out of the house with your baby in tow will help you to re-connect with the outside world. “Sometimes, making time for mom simply means getting out of the house. Consider going for a walk by yourself when dad gets home for a much needed break or arrange a weekly date, such as coffee with friends, to enjoy adult conversation after a full day with your baby,” says Zizek.
There are a number of ways to continue to do the things you love with your baby, such as:
Checking your local cinema for ‘mom and me’ movies so you can still watch all the new releases without finding a sitter
Getting a membership to a local art gallery or museum where you can enjoy the sites and stay warm during the winter months while still getting out of the house
Visiting your local public library to read the daily paper. As a bonus, many libraries offer ‘mom and me’ programs
Signing up for postnatal ‘mom and me’ exercise classes
Having trouble finding the time to get out of the house? You can’t have your old life back but you don’t need to give up everything that you love. Decide what’s most important to you, make it a priority and build it into your daily routine. If your day started off with a latte pre-baby, work a walk to the local café into your morning routine. If you were a gym rat before becoming a mom, look for a gym that offers babysitting services on-site. The important thing is to create a daily schedule and stick to it. Plus, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Say yes to your friends’ and families’ offers to watch your wee one while you catch-up on a few precious hours of You time.
Between time for the baby and time for you, it can be tough to find time for a relationship with your partner. “I encourage all new parents to schedule the time to enjoy each other’s company. It is important to still have date nights away from the baby. This can be a great job for dad to organize. While away from your baby, try to focus your attention on each other rather than talking about the baby,” says Zizek.
Remember that the best thing that you can do for your child is to make your home a loving, caring and supportive one. That means not only caring for your child but caring for yourself and your relationship as well.
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