It took me a while, but I finally learned that quiet children are generally not well-occupied children. They may be occupied, but probably not in a way that you're going to enjoy.
I learned my lesson the afternoon I walked into the playroom (which was next to our bathroom) to discover black shoe polish covering the white walls and tile. Oddly enough, the black was streaked with something a shade whiter than the original paint on the walls. Upon closer inspection - and after the instant "What did you DO?!" - I discovered that my 3-yr. old boys had re-evaluated their decision to paint the walls, and tried to cover their tracks using toothpaste. I also learned that toothpaste will in fact peel paint if it's allowed to harden before being washed.
I know that many of you will think I've lost my mind when you read what I'm about to say, but I would honestly rather go back to the shoe polish and crayons on walls, the dumping of fabric softener on their little sister's head, and the eating frozen hamburger straight out of the freezer, than stumble blindly through raising all these teenagers!
From my experience, a teddy bear with the family photo tucked under its ribbon collar will frequently be enough to get a child through their first sleepover. What gets a teenage girl through her first heartbreak? Potty training was a breeze using popsicles (well, there was one who demanded coffee instead!), but what do you do with the pre-teen boy who pees in a bottle and stuffs it in his closet rather than go upstairs to the bathroom? And while four toddlers with chickenpox at the same time can be a bit nerve-wracking, its nothing compared to four pre-teens with pin-worms picked up from the basketball uniforms at school! (For the record, de-worming a family of six will easily cost you $100.)
So what has worked so far? Well, it may be the simplest and yet most complex answer you'll ever get: laughter. There is a way to laugh about almost everything...and the quicker you conquer this, the sturdier your family will be.
A word of caution, though...should you ask your daughter how she plans to have safe sex if her boyfriend refuses to wear a condom and she answers, I'll just use a tampon... DO NOT LAUGH.
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