The Tooth Fairy Complaint

It All Started With Duct Tape and The Red Green Show

Many parents have a difficult time dealing with "Tooth Fairy Issues." The obvious one, of course, is how much money does the tooth fairy leave for the first tooth? The not-so-obvious one is what do you do when your child uses "duct tape" to attach their tooth securely to her hand? 

Our daughter was 9 years old, a fan of The Red Green Show (if you are not familiar with Red Green, well he used duct tape to fix/repair everything) and she in turn, loved duct tape too. She was also at the age where she questioned the existence of the Tooth Fairy. So, when she lost another tooth, after mom & dad had gone to bed, she thought she would be a smarty pants in order to catch the Tooth Fairy in the act.

Under the cover of darkness, we sneakily entered her room. Much to our surprise, however, we found streams of duct tape securely fastened to her tiny hand. What to do? Her dad tried—unsuccessfully—to undo the tape, attempting to find the teeny-weeny tooth. Under our breath we both laughed. After many attempts, we decided that it was a useless endeavor, as there was no way in hell that we were going to get the tape off her hand without waking her. Not knowing the right or wrong way to deal with this issue, we went ahead and left money under her pillow, knowing quite well that we would have to come up with a pretty darn good answer in the morning.

In the meantime, my brain worked overtime trying to come up with some way to get even with her. Now, I realize she was only nine at the time, but she had really ticked me off. The answer then came to me! I would have the Tooth Fairy write her a letter explaining how bad it is to duct tape your tooth to your hand. Since she would recognize our handwriting, I decided I would get someone I worked with to write the letter. Little did I realize what a great letter my co-worker would write! 

"Dear Miss G. Burden,

We have received a complaint from Tooth Fairy B46257983/P (Bruce) who is responsible for Southwestern Ontario and Erie, PA. On or about Feb. 4, 2003 Bruce attempted to make a scheduled pickup in the pink bedroom, upper bunk at the Burden household. Imagine his dismay when he discovered that you, Miss Burden had done what we in the tooth trade call a “RedGreen.” Shame on you!

Our policy in cases of this sort is to leave the tooth and keep the money. However Bruce felt you must have accidentally wrapped your tooth in many layers of duct tape, and so he left you $2.00 Canadian ($1.32 US) as a token of our good will.

Be informed that if we do not receive your tooth in the condition it left your mouth by this Friday, our associate, the Easter Bunny, will be paying you a visit. Do not make us come and get you!

Head Fairy"

The next day, the letter was left under our daughter's pillow.

Our plan had backfired because now she not only truly believed in the Tooth Fairy but she also feared that the Easter Bunny was out to get her.

Parents of the year, I tell you.

I had no choice but to tell her the truth.

There is no Tooth Fairy, but yes there is an Easter Bunny but he is not out to get you, I promise.

Mother of three young adults. Our eldest, recently moved out. Middle daughter, graduated from university, and is just finishing graduate school. The youngest is in his third year of university in another province.

I love camping in the wilderness of Algonquin Provincial Park which always includes one portage. I have a wonderful, patient husband who will carry all the gear and do most of the paddling. I also love cooking and spending time with our beagle Cocoa and middle child's dog Bear, who also lives with us.

More about me: 1st accident April 27th, 1979, five cars hit the city bus I am on. 2nd accident May 6th, 1979, city bus smashes into truck (I am on the bus). 3rd accident May 6th, 1983, car coming towards us, totals drivers side of car. Years of physiotherapy and massage therapy ensue. Pain meds, muscle relaxants, etc. 4th accident, May 1989, I am seven months pregnant when we are rear ended. 1st back surgery at age 40; 2nd back surgery, two years later. Both are failures. As of 2006, I am permanently disabled and unable to work. I suffer from chronic pain and chronic muscle spasms (I fall a lot), permanent numbness and tingling from the waist down caused by damaged nerves in back, sitting is extremely painful, add in degenerative disc disease, arthritis in all my joints & back, fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, three bulging discs in my neck.

I am thankful for a very patient husband, and three kids who will do anything for me.

Life does go on, it is just altered.

I was born a redhead, but now I have to pay for it. My mind still works but my body hates me.