Parents often complain to me that teachers don’t make enough contact with parents.
Once, a mom shared that her daughter had been hiding low marks by removing assignments from the take-home binder. The teacher wasn’t in touch, so the mom was absolutely unprepared for the two Ds on the report card.
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She was also unprepared for the teacher’s explanation. She said, “He turned it around on me! He said it was up to me to raise an honest child and up to my daughter to be honest with me about how she was doing in school.”
Ouch! One less end-of-the-year gift for that teacher!
I’m not going to get into blaming the teacher here – because I know there are two sides to every story.
But, I am going to suggest that if I want communication from teachers who have many, many students to look after, I should take the lead. It is my child, after all. The more actively I pursue a relationship with the teacher, the more likely I am to get the communication I want (or a restraining order).
Here are some suggestions for taking the lead in your relationship with your child’s teacher:
Be where the action is. Go to the August BBQ and the Friday curriculum night. Teachers notice who’s involved. If you really can’t make it, be there in spirit: Send an email with your regrets.
At the first school event, introduce yourself, identify your child, and tell the teacher you’ll be in touch soon to schedule an orientation meeting. (That sounds like you mean business, doesn’t it?)
Send an email requesting a meeting. List times you’re available, and offer to bend a little to make it convenient for the teacher. Remember, he may have to meet with dozens of other parents.
Prepare well. This is your first chance to get to know the teacher a little – and to let him become familiar with your values and your goals for your daughter’s education. Following are a few important topics to cover in that first meeting:
when you want to be contacted (absence and lateness; failure to submit homework or observe deadlines; a grade less than ....) how the teacher can most easily reach you family homework policy social or academic struggles your child has recent death in the family, or divorce, shared custody, etc.
Take notes at the meeting and follow up. Send an email to confirm the content of your discussion, outline areas of potential conflict, and thank the teacher for his time. (Because I always like to be prepared for the day the train does leave the track, I keep a copy of all correspondence with the school.)
As the year progresses, find opportunities to enrich your relationship with the teacher.
Become a regular. Go to every play, carnival, and bowl-a-thon.
Be friendly. You may just find you and the teacher have something in common.
Be appreciative. Did the teacher give your child some extra help? Say thank you (and tell the principal).
Give your time. Teachers can always use classroom volunteers to collate worksheets into booklets or read with students. If you can’t volunteer during the day, how about helping organize the snack table for the recital? Keep yourself informed. Check the teacher's website for information about homework assignments and long-term projects. And, periodically, send the teacher an e-mail to ask how things are going. Attend all parent-teacher conferences, even if your child earns straight As. This is another chance to speak as partners about your child’s well being. Take notes and follow up. Don’t forget the e-mail trail.
If you do have a concern that needs formal attention, send the teacher a polite e-mail to request an appointment. Ask questions and be specific. (Be prepared that your child might be in the wrong.) If you and the teacher can’t find a solution, set up a meeting with the teacher and his supervisor.
Remember: The teacher is not your child’s parent and doesn’t worry about your child the way you do. He has dozens of others to worry about. C’mon. You’ve hosted one of those whole-class birthday parties, right? You know how easy it is to get sidetracked when they’ve got you surrounded. Make it easier for the teacher to remember to communicate with you – by making yourself always available – and hard to forget.
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