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Most parents admit they want their children to be more empathic, compassionate and appreciative. Not only are these virtues cornerstones of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), but they are also critical for the development of other important skills such as conflict resolution, effective communication and leadership. So, how do parents teach these critical values to their children when we live in a culture of overindulgence? Here are five practical tips parents can use to build empathy and gratitude within their children:
Research tells us that when a child feels that their parents understand their feelings, they are more likely to open up and share things. Modelling these virtues for your children will not only help them feel loved but will increase their sense of security and their trust with you. Ask yourself, the last time your child was upset, angry, or hurt, how did you respond? Did you tell them to brush it off or did you get defensive? Or did you try to see things from their perspective and empathize with how they were feeling?
Whether your child is upset with you or with a friend, take time to understand what he or she is going through. Try and use the phrase “can you help me understand how you are feeling?” The goal is to try and see things from your child’s perspective. When children feel understood, they’re more willing to listen to other people’s point of view.
A common mistake for parents to make when their child is upset is to tell him how he feels instead of asking them. Try and avoid statements like “I know how you feel.” Instead ask your child “How do you feel?” If he can’t explain it, give him some options. For example, you can ask him “Are you angry, sad or upset?” When children are given options, they are better equipped to articulate how they feel.
The next time you have a disagreement with your child, wait until you are both calm and then try to switch places and role-play with one another. This can be a powerful way to help people see things from another person’s perspective. Remember there is no reality—only perception.
When teaching gratitude to your children, remember to say please and thank you at restaurants, to neighbours, to strangers and to each other. When families say thank you regularly, it creates a culture of appreciation. It makes others feel good, but also helps to build empathy and models desirable behaviour in your children. Even children as young as two can be trained to say “thank you” after meals and reading stories.
For information on empathy and gratitude, please visit Dr. Karyn’s website at drkaryn.com.
Dr. Karyn Gordon is one of North America's leading authorities on understanding youth and Generation Y (ages 10-29). She is a corporate/family consultant, motivational speaker, media personality (expert on the national TV show, The Mom Show) and author of several books including her latest, "Dr. Karyn's Guide to the Teen Years" (published by Harper Collins). She is frequently interviewed by the news media to provide insight into the pressures facing Canadian youth. She has spoken to more than 250,000 people including teens, parents, teachers, managers and presidents on a variety of issues including self-esteem, motivation, leadership and communication. For more information, please visit drkaryn.com.