See Ya, School Year! Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out

I don’t know about you, but for me, that last month of school before summer break is like pregnancy. One month too long, but necessary.

I’m done with it. The morning drop-off, the forms, the lunches, the homework - basically, I’m coasting along until the last day.

I’ll warn you in advance, these aren’t the Pinterest-friendly “Make a cute “Welcome to Summer” banner, or homemade “Last Day of School” t-shirt suggestions.

These are the, “I’m really done with the school year” ideas for exhausted parents everywhere.

1) Make “Fuck It” Lunches The Last Week of School

You’ve made ‘mostly’ healthy, balanced and nutritious lunches for the entire year. Now it’s time to shrug your shoulders and say fuck it. Your kids want cereal for lunch? Done. Only have a hamburger bun and strawberry jam in the fridge? Boom! Lunch is made.

Do you really care at this point?

2) Destroy your School Work Party

At our house, we have school work burning party at the end of every school year. HOWEVER, you need to check the fire regulations in your area before you start a bonfire. If fire isn’t an option, then have a school work destroying party where your kids invite friends to tear it to shreds and say goodbye to geography, adios algebra, and so long, science.

3) Skip Day

You’re done, your kids are done, so surprise them with a skip day. Older kids can pick one day to skip and do whatever they want. For younger kids, grab them out of school early and have a fun lunch or go see a movie.

Note: I get that there are homes where both parents are working and this just isn’t possible. Remember, these are just suggestions.

4) Ambush Your Kids

Moms, grab your water gun, and get ready to turn the tables on the kids. The ones who sprayed you with the hose last summer while you were enjoying a sangria on the front porch. Ambush your kids at the bus stop or lie in wait at the side of your house and when they turn the corner, bam! They won’t know what hit them.

Bonus points if you’re also blasting School’s Out for Summer when you attack.

5) Make Your Kids Play “Guess What’s in the Backpack”

Want to know the definition of fear? Putting your hand into your child’s backpack after Christmas break. Not even the time I thought my uterus fell out when I went to pick up a pacifier off the floor two weeks after giving birth rivals that feeling of not knowing what you’re going to pull out of dark, slightly damp, backpack. Blindfold your kid and have him empty his backpack and try to figure out what it is he’s feeling.

Did he guess a four-week-old sandwich he didn’t want to eat so he stuck it in a side pocket and forgot about it?

We have a winner! And the prize is: cleaning it up.